Written by P.M. Wortham

Wednesday, 8 December 2010

image for Smarties Candy Forecast Bitter while M&M's Outlook Sweet
M&M's are the perfect sugar high, in any season.

The tart little candies that see a massive annual boom in sales just before Halloween have dropped off rapidly, while upcoming holiday sales for Holiday colored M&M candies are better than last year.

Insiders to the Smarties company say that a reduction in their own distribution networks may be to blame while they do not see the same penetration into all markets like they had in September and October. Marketing director, Terry "Tug" Eyeman sees the decline and feels bitter about the lost opportunity for Christmas sales. "I'm bitter", replied Eyeman, "but I remain hopeful about next year's outlook". The normally eloquent and insightful Eyeman, fell victim to corporate rhetoric, while the M&M Company was celebrating another sweet year of fourth quarter growth.

"We think those sales were boosted by their new pretzel product", says chocolate industry analyst, Kerry Fudgeman. "That commercial where they suggest that the pretzels are inserted into the candy rectally? Absolutely a scream. How could you NOT want to rush out and buy a bag?"

Christmas sales prove the point, with several red and green candy offerings, special ornament containers and new products like the rectally inserted pretzels showing strong results. Smarties Company took the hint and is now looking at a new Holiday packaging campaign for next year, hoping bitter turns to sweet in 2011. "But not literally", says Eyeman. "In terms of the actual candy, I mean. Like the candy will still be tart, but we want the sales to be sweet". No more quotes were recorded from Eyeman as reporters chose to walk away.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Economy, Candy

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