Obama's Government Motors "Volt" Rolls into Showrooms; Taxpayers Get a Jolt in their Wallet!

Funny story written by Morse

Tuesday, 30 November 2010

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The GM Volt: Not the Brightest Bulb in the Bunch!

The long awaited and heralded Obama Government Motors Chevy Volt managed to limp into Dealer showrooms today with customers avoiding them in droves as the real truth about the Green Grocery Getter Gets out!

Costing the taxpayers $40,000 to build with a sales price of $41,000 and a tax credit of $7500, GM is now selling their product for 16% less than it costs to build them, certainly a business plan formula hatched in Venezuela or Bolivia or possibly in Brussels!

Just a year ago a GM spokesman with an office in the White House touted the Volt as the next great Star Ship Enterprise, promising a whopping 232 MPG eclipsing anything else on the road.

Latest mileage reports finally certified don't quite match that number, with the Volt traveling a mere 35 miles on a fully charged battery will get 90 MPG, with the gas motor kicking in after 35, combined MPG will be 60, and driving on straight gas, the clunker will roll up a resounding 37 MPG...not much to shout about for a car stickered at $41,000.

So far Obama has called in his markers with General Electric putting in an order for 25,000 for their technicians to drive around in checking on their Wind Mills, and the government itself is getting ready to replace a massive fleet of Federal Employee's vehicles with the same product...which may lead an astute investor to conclude, "Why in the name of Warren Buffet would anyone invest in an IPO for a company that sells it's product for less than it costs to make, and is it's own biggest customer?"

Officials at Ford, Nissan, VW, Mini Cooper , Toyota, and Hyundai all produce cars that sell for less, and get equal or better mileage with straight gas engines, while several also produce Hybrid models, and none of them have been bailed out or subsidized by the American Taxpayer.

Said one official from a profit making car company, " Just another government hype, long on promises, short on performance and costing all of us a bundle!"

Meanwhile, except for one dealer in Beverly Hills, dealerships are saying interest is flat, excitement is non existent, with most saying they hope Obama brings back his cash for clunkers deal in a few months so they can turn in their Volts and get a few 450 HP Camaros in exchange!

The one dealer in California doing well is Follywood Motors where they have sold out their 4 alloted cars to Jay Leno, Dennis Miller , Arnold Swartzenegger and Sly Stallone all of whom are having them customized with a high performance Mustang Cobra Engine, Ford emblems and Boss 302 decals in order to make them 'politically correct.'

Said Stallone, "Hey, not for nothin' man, I can't be seen driving a POS like that built by the government and then all my fans find out they're the ones payin' for it! Every body's behind FORD now, they came back from disaster the American way....they earned it!"

The PR firm for Obama Motors, based in Chicago, have admitted they're getting nervous by the public's less than luke warm reception, and have promised a big marketing push.

Said Van Jones, Obama Community Action Car Salesman of he Decade, "We think by tripling the rebate sales will pick up and Bill Clinton says he'll pick up a thousand with relief money to send to Haiti to help out with the housing situation...you know the seats lay flat don't you?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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