Written by anthonyrosania

Monday, 25 October 2010

Hey!

The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for S&P Reduces Credit Rating of H&R Block to "Foreclosed Subprime Borrower"

Standard & Poor's Ratings Services has lowered H&R Block Inc.'s credit rating to "Foreclosed Subprime Borrower", because the tax preparer has lost access to refund anticipation loans for the fiscal 2011 tax season.

Refund anticipation loans are used to exploit poorer taxpayers, giving them the opportunity to pay up to 200% APR on the tax refund they anticipate, giving them access to funds about 36 hours earlier than waiting for the IRS check.

Shares of H&R Block (Stock ticker: BNKRUPT) fell $4.60, or 50.5 percent, to $6.26 in afternoon trading Friday. The stock hit a fresh 52-week low of $5.75 earlier in the session.

"What kind of f--kery is this?" asked an H&R Block employee, while gathering evidence to support their unemployment claim.

S&P said on Wednesday that the RAL loans are the only way for H&R Block to draw in and keep customers. By not having these products, the ratings agency said H&R Block's 2011 earnings and revenue, as well as potential future results, will be f--ked.

More than 3 million of the company's customers bought refund anticipation loans in fiscal 2010. 2.999999 million of them will use Turbotax this year.

H&R Block disclosed on Friday that it will use any means necessary, legal or illegal, to force the U.S. finance unit of HSBC to offer refund anticipation loans for the fiscal 2011 tax season.

"Ve vill hurt you," said H&R Block to HSBC, in a German accent. "Ve vill hurt your dog."

When asked why they won't use H&R Block's own bank to finance the RALs, the company answered, "What, lend our money to these f--king deadbeats? Hell, no."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: HR block




Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
48 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more