Written by anthonyrosania

Wednesday, 22 September 2010

image for Fifth in a Series: Becky Shulman Gets The F--K Out of Dodge."I want to thank Becky for leaping off the Titanic and floating away on a door..."

Formerly super-powerful, shell-of-its-former-self tax preparation provider H&R Block, Inc. announced Monday that its Senior Vice President and Chief Financial Officer Becky Shulman will get the f--k out of Dodge, effective April 30, 2010. The company has initiated a search for a new chief financial officer, and has decided to pay some consulting firm a sh-tload of money to lead the search, even though everyone in the universe knows that they will hire Corporate Controller Jeff Brown as CFO, so that tax season 2011 is all his fault.

In a statement, president and chief executive officer, Russ Smyth said, "I want to thank Becky for leaping off the Titanic and floating away on a door, during a time of significant transition. Our company is in a very strong financial position today <<snicker>>, in large part due to Becky telling former CEO Mark Ernst to stop selling Option One's sh-tbag sub-prime failures to HRB Bank. She won't be missed."

Shulman, who joined the company in 2001 before it sucked the big c-ck of failure, has been instrumental in building H&R Block's strong financial position <<tee hee>>, particularly in the last few years as chief financial officer. She was responsible for the company's Accounting, Corporate Tax, Internal Audit, and Business Planning and Analysis departments and the H&R Block Bank.

Shulman has been serving as H&R Block's chief financial officer since March 2008, after serving as acting chief financial officer since November 2007, after some other a--hole got wise and quit.

Prior to joining H&R Block, Shulman had a real job with U.S. Central Credit Union, a $40 billion financial institution, from September 1998 until August 2001. Prior to that, she served as vice president of Asset/Liability for the U.S. Central Credit Union from May 1997 to September 1998.

"I would say other nice things about her," concluded Smyth. "But I am so f--king checked out, I can't focus on anything other than my job search. Do you think McDonalds will hire me back?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: HR block

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