The government is to introduce a new vole-based economic strategy, in an effort to address its flagging popularity.
David Cameron told a puzzled press conference: "We have decided to widen the scope of the Big Society by including small rodents. The vole is famous for its amazing reproductive rates" He paused:"or should that be rats - just a little vole joke there." Silence."Not ready for rodent jokes yet - give it time, new politics requires us all to adapt. Anyway - given the voles amazing ability to reproduce we are going to paint a pound sign on a male and a female and, according to the Treasury's modelling, we should have billions of voles in a short amount of time, which will enable us to pay of the deficit. Genius"
Asked how merely painting a pound sign on two voles would actually turn them into pounds, as well as how would the offspring then also become sterling rather than just being voles, Cameron replied: "This is a new politics - we all have to adapt and look at things differently. The vole will soon become an accepted alternative to the pound."
"But wait" Said a chorus of journalists "Are you really saying that you are going to change the UK's currency into the vole, don't we need a referendum for that type of thing?"
Cameron was quick to reply: "Not at all - we are only changing the nation's currency to the vole, we aren't entering the Euro for goodness sake."
The policy will mean yet another name for the government: The Vole-ition.
