Small Canine Takes Lead at BP

Funny story written by GutterMutter

Sunday, 25 July 2010

image for Small Canine Takes Lead at BP
New Boss: "I'll sort this mess out"

EMBATTLED oil giant BP has replaced its Chief Executive with a small yappy dog called George.

George will assume immediate and overall control of the day to day running of BP and will take a 'paws on' approach to the handling of the Gulf of Mexico oil spill.

Markets responded positively to today's news lifting the company share price from 'practically nil' to 'not much'.

US President Barack Obama also welcomed the appointment.

He said: "To be frank, a dog is an easier target for us although the last guy didn't do himself any favours.

"I suppose if anything this new guy will be less likely to offend millions of Americans by virtue of not having the power of speech.

"Also, I guess it's even more acceptable to kick a dog's ass than a Brit's. Can we sue dogs? I'm gonna get one of my guys to check that out."

The new Chief Exec, a 'talented little Jack Russell', was appointed unanimously by BP's Board of Directors yesterday amidst a total dearth of willing candidates.

Twelve-year-old George, comes from outside the business but has extensive experience of the energy sector.

Since graduating with a Harvard MBA in the nineties, he has specialised in leading troubled midcaps through turbulent periods but admits that BP represents his biggest challenge to date.

Company Chairman, Sir Bob Someoneorother, praised George as: "a terrific leader who has a great track record in bringing transformational change to big businesses, as well as considerable experience of highly-regulated industries and dealing with Global leaders."

Commenting on his own appointment, George added: "Yappy yappy yap yap. Yappy yap. Yap yap yap," then peed on your correspondent's new suede loafers.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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