High street retailer Fat Asre has experienced exponential profit growth in the last financial year, CEO Derek Lard announced today. Share prices rose sharply, wobbled about and then flattened out following the announcement.
Fat Asre specialises in clothing lines better suited to people with disproportioantely big bums. "One man's obeseity crisis is another man's business opportunity", boasted Lard. The retailer had been growing steadily over the past five years, but Lard puts the last year's success down to the firm's decision to branch out into giving away food.
"Every store now has a free cafe giving away pies, burgers and unhealthy food", Lard said. "Our motto is fry everything. The menus are really tasty and proving very popular, and we see a direct link between giving away dripping sandwiches and the increase in clothing sales"
If you would like to stuff yourself until you burst your pants, you could do worse than to visit the Fat Asre on your local high street.
