London - (Heeby-Jeebies): A large, purple knob of ectoplasm was seen snaking its way out of the Queen's knickers this afternoon during a seance attended by the Bank of England erectile dysfunction, er...hardship! committee.
Governor Mervyn King very nearly had an orgasm as the Palace ouija board spelled the mystery digits to HM's offshore Bernard Madoff loan account.
Flunkeys steadied King's trembling limbs when royal bankers Cuntts & Co squeezed out the last five numbers from the planchette.
"Things then went absolutely beserk!" Lord Chamberlain Lord Luce-Cannon exclaimed.
"We had to hold her down as loads of Saudi gold sovereigns began spewing from her orifices!"
About three million squids' worth was hurriedly collected as seance invitees scarpered ahead of a smelling salts revival of the old dear.
"This time last year she started gushing Brent Marker Crude," Comptroller of the Privvy Purse explained.
The price of gold has rocketed to $1100 an ounce.
