Coffee Giant Rolls Out Instant Coffee, Hostess Pastries

Funny story written by Austin Turnip

Wednesday, 30 September 2009

image for Coffee Giant Rolls Out Instant Coffee, Hostess Pastries

Seattle, WA - Bratsucks CEO Henry Schmuck announced this week that the iconic coffee purveyor will be introducing an instant coffee product in all of its stores. Named "Via", the discount-priced instant coffee is a daring new product line for a company that has staked its reputation on serving a premium product at a premium price.

On the heels of this announcement, Mr. Schmuck also announced that they will start selling Hostess brand shelf-stable pastries.

"Spoilage has been a problem with our fresh bakery products. Hostess' products are a great value and will last for weeks rather than hours."

Dolly Madison products were also considered before they settled on Hostess.

"I love to enjoy a Zinger with a cup of instant coffee," said the CEO, "but when you consider the extent of Hostess' product line, it was really a no brainer." The Hostess product line includes Twinkies, Ding Dongs, Sno Balls and Hostess Cupcakes.

More announcements are expected soon. Mr. Schmuck said, "Our customers can look forward to powdered, non-dairy creamer instead of half and half in the very near future."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more