Republican National Committee Seeks Government Bailout

Funny story written by Evan Essence

Tuesday, 21 July 2009

Under rather awkward circumstances, the Republican Party ... which has been incessantly criticizing the Obama Administration for its massive government bailout program ... is now seeking government funding in order to stay afloat.

Following 8 years of unbridled, self-centered greed and corruption, resulting in the collapse of the US banking system, and the ensuing crash of the global stock market, during George Bush's final year in office....polls now show that only 21% of Americans are willing to call themselves Republicans.

The shinkage of the base of the Republican Party, has resulted in a drastic reduction in financial contributions, leading the Department of Interior to officially add "The Republican Party" to its Endangered Species List.

"Our country needs 2 parties to survive" implored Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele. "Remember how bad we screwed everything up, a few years ago, when the Republican Party took control of both Houses of Congress, and the White House....resulting in arrogant delusions of power, and the trashing of The Constitution, and The Bill of Rights, and illegal surveillance of ordinary citizens in an effort to maintain our political power? The only way we can keep that from happening again, is to have 2 major political parties keeping the checks on each other. If the Republican Party goes the way of the Edsel, we cannot survive as a Democracy!"

Harvard professor of Politcal Science, Barney Hampton, observed "The great 16th century English poet, John Dunne, admonished , 'No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main' ".

"However," Professor Hampton continued "modern day Republicans have taken the opposite view...that every man is an island...embracing economic and social Darwinism....with every man struggling on his own to get rich...and ignoring the plight of the poor and weak who have been stepped upon, by the crowd racing to the top of the dungheap."

"In fact, in 2004, 'Let Them Eat Cake' was officially added to the Republican Party platform" Professor Hampton reminded us.

"Ronald Reagan popularized the idea that everyone would benefit by helping the rich get richer, with the saying 'A rising tide lifts all ships'," Professor Hampton concluded. "Now we are seeing what happens when the tide goes out....leaving everyone 'high and dry'...stranded on the rocks...with the entire economy in ruins."

Editors note: Evan Essence received his Masters Degree in Journalism (2003), and his PhD in Political Science (2004) from House-of-Spam Internet Marketing

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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