New Cellular Technology Announced

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Wednesday, 14 January 2009

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The new earpiece goes here. For real. Seriously.

Cellular technology giant Erikzzon, will announce improved Blueteeth audio technology at their next earnings conference call scheduled for April 7th. Turning customer complaints into a unique solution that they hope will represent a windfall for their investors, Erikzzon demonstrated the product at a recent technology fair in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Labeled "NFFOB" technology by Erikzzon engineers, the modified Blueteeth cellular earpiece automatically filters out unpleasant background noise while the customer is on an active call. Normally the most complained about feature by customers, the old technology often amplified background conversations or unpleasant noises to the level of the person speaking into the device. Chief engineer Dr. Heywood Jadumy says, "Now the customer can be anywhere, in any surroundings, and the technology only records the speaking voice."

One demo at the Las Vegas conference center had Jadumy take a detour from the stage to relieve himself in a nearby bathroom. Speaking to the crowd during his walk, Jadumy entered the bathroom, took a number two and flushed twice, but only Jadumy's monologue was recorded. Back on Stage Jadumy stated, "The No Fart, Flush, or Belch" technology will surely be a hit for those foreigners who prefer to hold private cell conversations in bathrooms. Tacky really."

When questioned about the range of sounds that could be restricted in the future, Jadumy responded, "We're working on a model that can filter out sounds most likely heard in nude dance clubs, casinos and bars, but it is still in development. Wives and bosses would never suspect a thing."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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