Written by Wickham Chase

Monday, 17 November 2008

Leon Barkowski with the Rand Institute said in an unprecedented display of candor on Meet the Press Sunday:

"We have reached an unmatched level of incompetence at all levels of government and the financial institutions. I mean you only have to take a look at the daily see saw of the stock market to see nobody has a clue as to what is going on, why we are in this mess, or how to fix it. It is clear that we are destined for a downfall uglier than the image of Amy Winehouse in a Brixton Brothel snorting blow off an engorged Jamaican cock. We're fucked".

Clearly taken aback by the apparent and unusual honesty of his guest anchor Tom Brokaw, who usually performs a well rehearsed Kabuki with a seemingly endless parade of corrupt politicians and meaningless celebrities asked, "By fucked, what exactly do you mean?" To which Barkoswki, who seemed to become exasperated with the stupefyingly annoying and idiotic veteran newsman, replied, "You see, this is what I am talking about, it is as plain as Britney Spears snatch on a Saturday night and nobody seems to see it. Apparently there isn't anyone anywhere capable of getting us out of this mess. When will you people understand?"

Bartoswki went on, "I'll give you one simple example, moron, an example so simple even the banjo player from Deliverance would get it. Are you listening, are you ready? Nancy Pelosi and her posse of idiots are planning on giving a financial bailout to GM, a company loosing 2.5 billion dollars a month and who gave the world the Aztec. You've got to be fucking kidding me? Gary Coleman could come up with a better idea".

As Bartoswki left the set Brokaw announced his next guest, Tom Cruise, who was to talk about why anyone would care about a movie of a failed Hitler assassination attempt nearly 70 years after the fact and answer rumors that close friend Gary Glitter is to be in his next film, a remake of the Wizard Of Oz.

Wickham Chase, Staff Reporter

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Economy

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