Levi Strauss and Wrangler dominate the denim blue jeans market. They are now competing to hire a new commercial spokesman; Bargis Tryhol, famous as "the man with the world's largest penis," is the object of the marketing war.
When asked how he felt about being wanted by the two clothing giants, Tryhol was slightly amused. "I went to Levis a few months ago to talk to them about their pants. I like some things about their 501 and 505 jeans, but there is a small problem. Both legs are made the same width and it is really uncomfortable when you have a huge apendage. It doesn't fit well down either side, as the pants are somewhat tight against the legs."
"I talked to the Wrangler people about the same thing. I wanted them to make at least one leg of the pants wider to accomodate my special needs."
"About a month later, the marketing departments found out about my requests and both jumped on the bandwagon to get me as their commercial spokesman."
Wrangler has long had the official slogan "Wrangler butts drive them nuts," referring to how women react to men who wear their pants and how they emphasise the rear end. Their new idea for a jingle, with an ad campaign featuring Tryhol, is "Wrangler Pricks turn on the chicks!"
Levi Strauss, on the other hand, has used the catch phrase "we put a little blue jean in everything we make." With Bargis advertising their product, they would switch this to "we put a Big Johnson in everything we make."
In addition to purchasing pants based on length and waist size, men will also have the option of choosing "right" or "left." As right handed men usually tuck to the left side after going to the restroom, and more men are right handed than left, the "left" jeans will be the bigger sellers.
For jeans, now, right and left will have nothing to do with conservative or liberal political beliefs.
Dr. Reginald "Buck" Wheat, professor of marketing at Florida State University, was asked about the new war over the services of Bargis Tryhol. "It always happens with the newest Hollywood or sports phenomenon; everyone wants them hawking their product."
"The implication here will be that wearing the products will give women the impression that the men in them have huge penises. It will also give men the impression that, if they buy and wear the pants, women will be more interested in their penises."
When asked if he had any recommendations or advice to people eventually using the product that Tryhol chooses to endorse, Dr. Wheat said that "I would tend to avoid San Francisco and biker bars if I were a straight male."