Private Investment Firms: NYC New Slum Lords!

Written by Pointer

Saturday, 10 May 2008

image for Private Investment Firms: NYC New Slum Lords!
PIF's dumped old lady down garbage shoot to raise the rent

The real estate crisis caused by Bush administration Lazy Unfaire deregulated capitalist practices has given rise to a new breed of urban vermin.

NYC has been the happy home of sewer rats the size of Guliani's ego and swarms of cockroaches and bedbugs of Exodus plague proportions.

Prior to the collapse of the dollar and the things dollars can buy, NY slum lords were your garden variety of slug. But since tenements are going for bargain basement prices and there's a fire sale on every dump with a fire escape, private investment firms (PIF) have been snatching up flop houses filled with rent controlled apartments.

Rent control seems to be the key as supposedly legitimate companies are buying up these buildings and then putting the screws to the elderly tenants who only want to live out their last years in semi-affordable peace.

Vito Kneecapperini of the Gambologna crime family told daspooferino.como (Italian syndicate of that most of their contracts are coming from the PIF's.: "Dese guyz in da suits are mean. Dell kill your nonna and your nonno to get them to move so dey can raise da rent!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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