Arby's, a division of Triarc, purchased the Wendy's fast food chain for over $2.3 billion. This was their third attempt to buy the hamburger company founded by the late Dave Thomas and named for his daughter.
A spokesman for the new company said that "we plan on getting bigger. Lots bigger. Right now, there's over 26,000 Subways and over 21,000 McDonalds. Yumm Brands owns KFC, Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, Long John Silver's, and A&W. We're still not a big player in the game yet."
"We do plan on expanding and becomming one of the big boys. If you don't grow, you are going to shrink. What used to be the Big Four U.S. automakers is now only the big three."
"We're looking at other concepts we can purchase. There's Papa John's, Domino's, Jack in the Box, Popeye's, Church's, and lots of other companies just right for the taking."
"Just think, if we bought Popeye's and Papa John's, our new logo could be a little red headed girl with a glass eye wearing a cowboy hat and spinning a pizza!"
"Our first joint ad campaign, however, will be an attempt to help clean up the cowboy image. We're going to ditch the little girl Wendy for a college age hottie and put her in a Cowboy hat. She'll walk around looking for some hot beef. That'll make everyone forget all about Brokeback Mountain!"
