Exxon Mobil squirms, demands Corrupt Bastards' Supreme Court $2.5bn damages appeal backing

Funny story written by queen mudder

Monday, 29 October 2007

image for Exxon Mobil squirms, demands Corrupt Bastards' Supreme Court $2.5bn damages appeal backing
Exxon is desperate

Washington DC - (Livid Mess): The Exxon Mobil Corporation's executive board is demanding Corrupt Bastards Club help in a DC Supreme Court appeal to overturn a $2.5 billion punitive damages fine for their reckless destruction of the marine ecosystem in the 1989 Prince William Sound spillage disaster.

"You owe us!" was the stark message to Corrupt Bastard grandees in Alaska as the Supreme Court stepped into the long-running battle over the Exxon Valdez oil spill.

But with Corrupt Bastard Vic Kohring in an Anchorage dock charged with being a VECO Corporation bribe-taking worm and top VECO executives already washed up after a series of FBI busts this year, Exxon may be alone as it trawls the murky depths of its Supreme Court appeal.

Eleven millions gallons of oil ravaged Alaskan waters when the Exxon Valdez supertanker ran aground on a reef.

At the helm of Exxon's flagship tanker was a drunk whose navigation skills were so minimal to begin with that every subsequent court hearing has slammed the company as reckless beyod belief.

"Exxon placed a relapsed lush in command of an enormous vessel carrying toxic cargo across treacherous and resource-rich waters," the original adjudication confirmed.

"They knew he was drinking aboard their ship, but they thought they could get away with it!"

Much Corrupt Bastards and Justice Department horse-trading has ensured however that a federal appeals court already had cut in half the $5 billion in damages awarded by a jury in 1994.

Exxon has moaned in public that it already has paid $3.4 billion in clean-up costs and other penalties.

"Enough is enough! Aren't there any law-perverting Corrupt Bastards Club members we can rely on anymore to save our asses and our balance sheet?" the company said today.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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