Dominic Domino - BT's chief bloodsucker Ben Goldfinger has been on a high-fiving roll lately, and so it was unavoidable that he would slip on something nasty any time. And that time is now.
Today's figures confirm the former worldwide phone monopoly's first ever profit decline in six hundred years after it counted the cost of culling over 200,000 middle managers and hiring a standard poodle in their place.
BT used to employ 975000, and now only employs one person, Ben Goldfinger. With all the other companies now piling into the traditional voice, fax and dial-up internet market, sales have dwindled to a measly 0.00001pc of nothing, which is bad.
Goldfinger, who has lost the plot, needs to crush the envelope, push out the pips, grasp the nettle by the horns more and more and more, and really squeeze those marginal budgets even harder which could be a painful process if he wants to work in this town again. However, thank goodness today's figures show that he is right to be cutting his own throat.
Do you have what it takes to be a posturing corporate ninny running British industry? If so, answer the question below and check your score:
Do you have what it takes to run British industry?
- No
- Er
- I'm off
- Don't know
- Yes
If you scored 1 or more, congratulations. You do have what it takes.
Mixed metaphors at The Torygraph
