Written by Jaffa Forbes

Monday, 9 July 2007

image for Equal Opportunities: Virgin Hires Leprechaun
Richard Branson in the special 'Rainbow Catcher' Gear

LONDON. In an extreme attempt to keep up, and go beyond, equal opportunity laws, Richard Branson - the enigmatic leader of the Virgin Group - has hired several mythical creatures under the advice of the now redundant JK Rowling.

'Now that Harry Potter is finished,' says JK in her new role as HRM manager, 'I can put all the good diplomatic skills of dealing with the magical world into a more firm and realistic practice.'

Not only has Virgin declared they're employing leprechauns, but Wizards and Dementors as well. 'Giants could be a problem...' joked the bearded CEO of Virgin at yesterday's press conference.

What is even more outstanding is the ever increasing bizarre nature of Virgin's schemes and ventures. They are already talking about 'going to the moon', 'making connection with Mars' and 'finding Never-Never Land'.

Richard has also been speculated to have budgeted 10 million for a special department to find gold at the end of the rainbow.

The question that appears to this gobsmacked reporter is this: with the recent poor performance of Virgin Media, and the incredible expenses in making these outlandish gestures to get to the moon etc..., what are Virgin doing to improve their existing services? What are Virgin doing in terms of social responsibility?

In short, are they paying millions out to get to the moon, only to look down and see billions starving?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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