Disney Rejects Comcast Takeover Offer, Cites Bid's Lack of Catchy Soundtrack

Funny story written by The WB

Tuesday, 17 February 2004

image for Disney Rejects Comcast Takeover Offer, Cites Bid's Lack of Catchy Soundtrack
Members of Disney's board of directors pore over takeover bid, later rejected for "too many pictures, too few synthesizers."

The board of directors of The Walt Disney Company on Monday unanimously rejected a takeover bid from cable giant Comcast Corp. as "a real downer", but said it would consider any higher offer if it were in the form of a musical recording by Phil Collins or Peabo Bryson.

"Anyone who's done their research on Disney knows that everything we do has to have a safe, milquetoast, quasi-passionate soundtrack with memorable hooks and dated late-'80s-style production values," chair Michael Eisner said. "We are committed to creating shareholder value now and in the future, and we will carefully consider any legitimate proposal that would accomplish that objective while keeping kids humming and not scaring off the soccer moms."

This strong statement follows a turbulent month for Eisner. In December, board member Roy Disney Jr. handed in a resignation letter accusing the chair of not knowing the words to "It's A Small World", and this past week, the upcoming direct-to-video movie "Lion King 1-1/2" was criticized by international religious leaders for suggesting that the Jews were responsible for killing Mufasa.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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