Balmy Resorts Inc. has announced plans to build the world's biggest ever casino in Las Vegas, Nevada. The corporation has purchased a 500-acre tract of land at the end of the Strip and will soon begin construction of a "four billion dollar gaming, entertainment and leisure complex" to be called Viva Las Vegas. The grand opening is scheduled for July 4, 2010.
In a press conference on Thursday, Balmy spokesman Fremont Larue explained the concept of the new establishment: "We were thinking, 'What do people want to see when they come to Vegas? ' Well, naturally they come here to see Venice, New York and Paris, but mainly what they want to see is: Las Vegas! Right? So we're going to build a scale replica of the entire town, sort of like the way The Venetian is a replica of Venice. Viva Las Vegas will be a precise, finely detailed reproduction of the city and all of its casinos, including The Venetian, Paris Las Vegas and New York New York."
In addition to smaller ersatz versions of smaller ersatz versions of Paris, Venice and Manhattan, the new resort will of course house a smaller ersatz version of itself. Nevada Gaming Commissioner Lou Rette reports, "I've seen the architect's mockup and yes, Viva Las Vegas will include a perfectly accurate replica of Viva Las Vegas, with all the little replicas in there reproduced again. Including the little replica-within-the-replica of Viva Las Vegas. And so on."
When asked how many levels of diminishing self-replication the complex would incorporate, Larue replied, "We're working with cutting-edge nanotechnology experts to get it down to the molecular scale."
Sales of Balmy stock soared on Wall Street when news of the project was released. Jacques Nero, a financial analyst for the investment consulting firm DeHowe-Swinns, explains, "If bacteria evolve to the point of being able to play the slots or if the Earth is ever invaded by microscopic aliens with a penchant for craps, there will be only one gaming establishment in the world capable of accommodating them. Also, we expect the new resort to take over a sizeable portion of the Las Vegas convention business. Its architecture is a compelling visual metaphor for a futile, inescapable downward spiral, which should make it very attractive as a meeting venue to groups like day traders associations or the Republican Party. That's a non-negligible advantage and we have upgraded our rating of Balmy to 'Hold-M'. The 'm' is an abbreviation for 'out for a miracle'."
