Written by Paul Blake

Thursday, 23 April 2015

image for London Whale Helps The Spoof! Profits Go Through The Roof!
"Fuck Those Damn Spoofers!" cry the blubbering London Whale duo.

London, England - The two JP Morgan financial analysts, known collaboratively as the London Whale, have seemingly overnight, helped boost the profit margins of one of the very journalistic institutions which has been taking the piss out of them for nearly 4 long years, and the blubbery pair are none to happy about it.

We caught up with the two accused bankers, as they were being led to the courthouse holding room by Russian hookers with a big bag of cocaine. "It turns my stomach to think that every time someone out there in internet land types "spoofing the financial markets" into Google, they end up at that damn The Spoof! .com website, reading the very fuckers that have been making fun of us for so bloody long. It really, really hurts," said whale Martin-Artajo.

"It's given both of us horrendous and intolerable farts," said Whale Julien Grout. "Can't we just call it 'Scuzz-Bucketing' or 'Slime-Scraping' or something... anything but 'Spoofing' for crying out loud!" he said, squeezing the large breast of one of the Russian hookers and snorting a coke-bump out of her cleavage.

Indeed, it does seem that traffic is up - way up, at the much-hated website The Spoof!.com, where we caught up with Editor-in-Chief / CEO, Mark Lowton, who had this too say: "Yeah, that's one sweet little double-entendre that seems to have come around and bitten them straight in the sphincter, isn't it?" laughed Lowton, from his wingback leather chair. He explained that his site's viewership is up to at least a few dozen people a day - a full ten fold increase in hits. "Usually we just get weirdos in here looking for poofs, who've accidentally typed an 'S' in front of it. That's how most of our writers ended up in here, in fact!," the giddy CEO told, while lighting cigars with £100 pound notes. "It's been a heck of a ride so far - but we'll see if it all lasts past the weekend though." The wizened editor has seen thousands of trends come and go over the years, yet still, he lit even more money on fire, catching his pant leg ablaze.

If profits do remain on course through week's end, The Spoof! is said to have it's eyes set on a mid-spring corporate takeover of The Onion.com (The U.S.A's feeble, and vastly inferior, attempt at becoming the world's #1 satirical news source.)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
55 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more