No more "Mr. Nice Guy" sofa sales methods will be used from New Year 2015, as the Mafia is set to move in with sales offers people will not be able to refuse. From next week horses heads will placed in bed with reluctant punters who do not comply with the sofa salesmen and buy one or more sofas.
"After New Year break" sofa sales have been calculated at 15% less than those for the same period last year. Honey Pine Tan sofas from the sexual range are the only ones showing an increase in sales on 2013. With thousands of containers packed with sofas from China, Scunthorpe and Sweden piling up at transport yards throughout the U.K, not buying a sofa after Christmas, Easter, Whitsuntide, Passover and Thanksgiving is set to become a dangerous option.
Under proposed new government regulations, reasonable sales people will call on every home. If no-one buys a sofa the family goldfish will be killed. Following up the reasonable sales pitch, muscular dudes wearing shades will be sent to the property of the non-purchaser and may well be very clumsy in the offending punter's house. Horses heads in beds, machine gun ambushes and garrottings will follow. These techniques, having been proved to produce robust sales improvements in Russia, are expected to re-vitalise the sluggish U.K. comfortable furniture Industry.
