A security alert has been issued this morning after several incidences of armed extremists taking over households have been reported to police. The alert only affects sofas, beds and Ottomans purchased between Christmas and the new year.
The extremists modus operandi is to burst out of sofas in the night, then force people to buy more sofas or beds and then arrange to send the sofas to their headquarters for evil leaders to sit on.
MI6 said the most dangerous sofas were "The Maple Collection" in 'Forest Green' leather. People who have bought sofas or beds from "The Cedar Collection in "Portobello Evergreen" should listen for nocturnal movements inside the sofas, which may indicate that an attack is imminent.
One incident involving a "Scandinavian Oak" ottoman full of Boko Haram rebels has been reported.
If you are confronted by a battalion of extremists filing out of your furniture in the night the governments advice is to stay calm and comply with the gunmen. You may be able to claim the money back from the card company if you use a reputable credit card.