Silicon Valley, CA-Self-described "richest English-speaking mother^%$@!er in the world" billionaire Bill Gates today announced that he's tired of acting like a philanthropist and administering the Melinda and Bill Gates Foundation and instead will start throwing his weight around.
"I'm tired of all that pussy %$#@" the no longer soft-spoken industrial leader yelled. "I'm going on a power binge!"
Whatever that means, the world awaits, wondering just what damage an evil billionaire could do.
Update: In a brief statement, Gates announced that he would "treat well" any states that wished to secede from the Union and join him "before the fun begins."
