NY hedge fund billionaire's garage sale nets millions towards SEC fine

Written by queen mudder

Friday, 15 November 2013

image for NY hedge fund billionaire's garage sale nets millions towards SEC fine
Marilyn is the 'meat' in the Francis Bacon-Sandwich triptych, flanked by Kennedy brothers Jack and Bobby

Long Island - East Hampton residents were treated to an impromptu garage sale this week at hedge fund billionaire Steven A Cohen's Further Lane pad where a number of precious artworks owned by the collector were hastily flogged off to pay Uncle Sam.

Cohen was downsizing his collection after being fined $1.8billion for an insider trading scam that the Insecurities & Exchange Commission said had been perpetrated by his SAC Capital Advisors firm of which he is the sole founding shareholder.

First up in the Cohen garage block was a Francis Bacon-Sandwich triptych of a laughing Marilyn Monroe flanked by the two elder Kennedy brothers Jack and Bobby, snapped up by a Sag Harbor local thought to be related to the Roughschild money laundering dynasty (WTF that? - 'Ed')

The painting fetched around $25 million according to next door's pool man who just happened to be browsing Cohen's discarded Rothkos and Picarssos in the hope of picking up a bargain under $500 (fat chance!)

Another picture that sold relatively cheaply ($10 million) was Warhol's depiction of Mary Jo Kopechne as Mary Magdalene, scrubbing the back seat of Teddy Kennedy's Oldsmobile while the former senator hoovers up some white powders on the limo's dashboard.

The day-long fire sale is believed to have raised nearly $80 million, admittedly a drop in the ocean considering the SEC's final billing invoice.

Next week Long Island realtors may be listing Cohen's East Hampton properties as well as his Upper East side pad as regulators step up the pressure to get their check in time for deposit into government coffers around Thanksgiving day.

Gordon Gekko would have called the guy nuts.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more