London axeman disgusted by 'discriminatory' Goldman Sachs career opportunities

Funny story written by queen mudder

Thursday, 15 March 2012

image for London axeman disgusted by 'discriminatory' Goldman Sachs career opportunities
Got a nice little earner in the City for you, George...

London - A mystery axeman sought for the 1987 hit on a London private eye** has voiced his disgust at a US banker's comments about discriminatory career path opportunities at Goldman Sachs.

Speaking via an anonymous VOIP link self-styled professional executioner 'Sonny' Thatcher-Gorgonzola spoke of his dismay that the Off-the-Wall Street giant had ceased promoting axe murderers as a matter of policy.

"Used to be the only CV requirement," 'Gorgy' told QM-NewsCorpse sauces, "apart from a willingness to fleece clients and snort bucketfuls from the corporate coke stash."

His comments come following the resignation letter of a Goldman Executive Director deploring new company guidelines that sideline axe murderers from promotion.

Yesterday Greg Smith ruffled a lot of city feathers with his statement that 'If you make enough $$$s for the firm and are not currently an axe murderer you will be promoted into a position of affluence'.

A Canary Wharf meeting of the British Bonkers (sic) Association also lamented the dearth of suitably qualified hit-and-run pros willing to work in the City.

"You'd think what with the London riots and all that impossible to prosecute gangland talent our execution - er...executive! - needs would be fully met," Dave Arse-Likka of the First Drive-By-Shooting Capital Corporation commented.

"Wanna see pix of our Blind Beggar training ground revamp now that the bullets have been removed from the plasterwork?"

**Daniel Morgan's 1987 axe murder is still unsolved according to transcripts from this week's Leveson Inquiry.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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