Walmart's ingenious scheme to push impulse buys

Written by Spicewood

Sunday, 5 May 2013

Not to be outdone by Kroger's and some other grocery chains, Walmart has installed "infa-red" sensors in all of their stores, which will indicate the number of customers in the store, which will enable them to close lanes so that all open registers will have at least ten people waiting in line.

Monica DeWise, Walmart representative stated, "We like to see them in line at least fifteen minutes, that way they can have time to shop all of those what we call "impulse" items that must be passed prior to reaching a register. Chewing gum, candy bars, magazines and those revealing little newspapers, key chains and little flashlights are big mark-up items for us, so we have to do what we can to make sure they move out of the store."

Charles McKeowan, manager of a super store in Jackson Heights, Missouri, chimed it, "It's our low prices that bring them in to the store, that's the bottom line, our new motto is, "Give them low prices, and they will come, regardless of how long it takes to get out of the store."

The "sensors" should be in all stores by the end of the Summer.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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