Charity shops to start buying each others clothes

Written by IainB

Friday, 8 February 2013

image for Charity shops to start buying each others clothes
This is not me

As the Triple Dip recession bites deeper, and the population at large has even less money to spend on unnecessary items, such as clothes and food, charity shops are starting to feel the pinch previously only felt by first hand shops, such as River Perkins and Matamark.

"We thought we'd be immune," said Age Worries charity shop manager, Gillian Jacks. "You can buy an entire wardrobe for a tenner in our store, and then buy some clothes to put in it. Our business has been booming during this recession, as people have been unable to afford clothes that haven't previously been worn by a dog-owner."

However, with people more concerned with making mortgage payments and keeping the snow out of the kitchen, even charity shops are seeing a decrease in the number of customers. Not just customers buying the products but there's a dearth of customers dropping off old clothes.

"When you can't buy new clothes," said Gill, "you can't get rid of those you already own. Otherwise, you'd be naked, and there are laws against that."

The situation has got to the point where the shops have some money, and some stock, but need more of both.

"It's got so bad, that we have started buying stock off Mental," said Gill. "You know, the mental illness charity shop next door."

For their part, Mental are buying from Help the Houseless, whilst they are buying merchandise from Age Worries.

"It's a big chain," said Gill. "After about a month, we see all our old stock come back, then it can start again."

It may sound like a useless exercise, but the movement of the stock gives the staff something to do, and justify having even more charity shops on the high street.

"If we have more charity shops then it'll be longer than a month before we see all our old stock come back," said Gil. "And that can only be a good thing!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more