Written by Sam Marx

Saturday, 12 January 2013

In the competitive world of advertising, changing the slogan of a product that consumers have come to know and love can either result in you bathing in money, or bathing once a month. Executives at Taco Bell have decided take a huge risk by going with a campaign which is geared more towards building trust and honesty with their followers, as opposed to the standard procedure of praying on their subconscious need for instant, greasy Mexican food.

The new tagline of "Where's the Modified Corn Starch?" was just one of many potential ideas that arose from a pending lawsuit against the Taco Bell company claiming that there supposed "100% pure seasoned beef" is in fact only 35% pure beef, and 60%, random shit. Along with the presence of anti-caking and anti-dusting agents, the mystery meat also said to contain Agent Orange, and minor traces of the top secret agent, James Bond. The remaining 5% of the beef is made up of what Taco Bell Chief Spokesman Cameron Bryce calls "The Designers Choice Ingredient".

"This is an innovative new idea which will ensure that no two taco's will ever taste exactly the same. This final element could be made up of anything from the dust build up on your window sill, to a piece of gum that an employee has been chewing on for so long that it's lost its taste. Honestly, the possibilities are endless!"

Taco Bell is partnering this monumental change of direction with a number of other groundbreaking ideas.

"I'm fully confident that this fresh new slogan will be the perfect way to usher in the Nachos Con Balsa Wood, and the Germanium 6 Chalupa Supreme.

With such a wide variety of potential ingredients, Bryce says he was shocked that Taco Bell passed on his new slogan idea, "Things Inside a Bun".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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