Irish Waffle Could Keep British Lights On

Funny story written by Mack The Knife

Tuesday, 9 October 2012

The Irish gift for blarney, blather and waffle could soon begin cutting the UK consumer energy bill by £10 Billion over the next eight years.

"The average Irishman generates more hot air in a single day than any other nationality" says Dr Hugh Qwickbuck of new private energy company Eiregas. "Particularly if that day is Saturday and Ireland is playing England in the rugby. The country is literally awash in great clouds of delusional self-aggrandizing fantasy, a massively misplaced sense of their own sporting, literary, and cultural worth, and a veritable jet-stream of historical misconception, particularly as regards their much touted 'eight-hundred years of oppression by the British' that has all gone to waste for far too long."

According to Qwickbuck Eiregas already has the technology in place to begin harvesting the hot-air from Ireland's largest cities, from Galway in the west, to Dublin in the east.

"The hot air will be funnelled by special nano-fibre cables above the main thoroughfares of Ireland's major cities and, eventually, smaller towns, to three terminals on the east coast which will then compress and transmit all that oral verbiage by sea-cable to termini on the west coat of Britain connected to the National Grid. I'm confident the project will provide six giggawafflewatts of electricity capacity, along with thousands of jobs."

"With the post-Boom population increase there are more big fat stupid Irish men, and women, than ever before." Says Quickbuck. "Flatulent fuel outgreens every other form of renewable energy. The natural no-carbon, completely unlimited replacement for fossil fuels the world has been looking for."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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