The government is set to scrap up to 10,000 wind turbines in favour of 2,000,000 exercise bikes to meet the countries future energy needs.
Harking back to the workhouse, benefits will be scrapped and all able bodied scroungers will be encouraged to 'get on their bike' to power Britain, lose weight, stop drinking, stop fighting and stop having sex.
Chris Boardman gave a demonstration today at a 'bike camp' in Dalston in London where he was able to generate the needs for the Underground system, although the average rookie won't be expected to manage more than an electric fan before the expected purge this autumn.
Instead of watching TV and threatening neighbours, claimants will be invited to work in 8 hour shifts upon which they will receive a printed receipt which can then be exchanged for goods. The amount will depend on their weight, vulnerability and wattage. Heroin addicts will not be allowed to dismount to 'score' midshift.
A spokeswomen commented 'it kills about 5 birds with one stone; less infrastructure to build, no global warming, police stations empty. Great!"
