Pedometer Sales Soar After Penn State Scandal

Funny story written by Adam Click

Sunday, 12 August 2012

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The newest Fracme Pedometer can detect pedophiles with an accuracy of 2/10 of a point according to some atheletes.

Yoo Hoo,Pa.-Fraceme Pedometer Manufacturing company isn't so sleepy anymore. The tiny Pennsylvania based company was just trudging along, making the same old easy-to-read pedometers walkers use to measure their walking distance each day, when an internet rumor sent their stock soaring.

It seems a not-too-bright high school athlete, looking for a way to ward off unwanted advances from university coaching staff,stumbled upon Fraceme Products and misread the name.

As a result Athletes across Pennsylvania, and now the country, have set the company's website on fire ordering their top-of the line "Pedo-meters".

According to one athlete's FarceBook entry the Fraceme "Pedo-meter" can detect an active pedophile at a range of one hundred feet:

"So there I was, not one hundred feet from Coach Molester and all of a sudden my Fraceme Pedo-meter goes off. As I keep walking towards him the numbers keep climbing until I'm practically on top of him. Sure enough my meter had a reading of 99.25. I turn around and walk towards my campus chaperone, Letme Feelyou, and the meter just keeps climbing. Dude! He wasn't more than twenty five feet away and yet the meter had a reading of 125! This thing really, really works!!"

Unable to dissuade it's new customer base, Fraceme has decide to go with the flow. It's new packaging extolls the virtual of being able to detect pedophiles while being careful not to make unreasonable claims: "Do not approach a known pedophile just to test your new Pedometer," it cautions,"and do not assume that the person you are approaching is a pedophile just because the numbers on your new Fraceme Pedometer keep rising as you get closer to said person. Our pedometers are guaranteed accurate to within the fiftieth percentile."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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