Joe Paterno Family to Conduct Its Own Whitewash

Funny story written by Ossurworld

Monday, 16 July 2012

Word out of Happy Valley, PA, is that the fox is rounding up the usual suspects over the hen house raid. Worse, the Paterno family believes the Freeh Report is inaccurate, and they will set the record straight.

Yes, there is no more reliable and objective authority.

Not since the Richard Nixon White House years when the President released a twenty-volume compendium of recorded conversations to prove his innocence has there been quite such a public relations snafu.

As we recall, President Nixon insisted there would be no white wash at the White House. Of course, he had his fingers crossed.

No one has told the Paterno family that this will not end their long national nightmare.

When the Chief of Police (Claude Rains) entered Rick's Café Americain in Casablanca and declared he was shocked, shocked, shocked to learn there was gambling in the establishment as he collected his winnings, we snickered.

When the Paterno family decides to conduct its own private investigation into the tattered remains of Paterno and his reputation, we may be "shocked, shocked, shocked" to learn Old Joe will testify from beyond the grave that he knew nothing.

A Penn State designed Ouija board will help buttress the Paterno family in their delusion that old Joe has become a lamb marching in darkness to the slaughter.

When huffy Sergeant Schulz worked over at the POW camp in Germany, he always told Hogan and his heroes he knew nothing. Paterno's family plans to provide another unlikely revelation.

Like one of the Three Stooges, the Paterno family can't see anything. Why? They have their eyes closed.

The Paterno family may find itself hosting a visit from Marley's Ghost next, telling them "mankind" was their business. They will attribute it to "more of gravy than of grave."

In the meantime, crank up the lie detector machines and oil them well, the Paterno family is about to testify.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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