Filesystem Squash FS Bank closed due to deposit and withdrawal error and lack of funds

Monday, 21 May 2012

image for Filesystem Squash FS Bank closed due to deposit and withdrawal error and lack of funds

DESPICABLE, ME (Acme Quicknews) -- Filesystem Squash FS Bank was closed last May 18, 2012 after a lack of funds to sustain the bank.

The bank manager has posted a notice that after undergoing monthly or bi-monthly bank robberies and being unable to reinforce the bank's security system, the bank shuts down due to lack of funds.

The bank's depositors were affected by this incident, not knowing how to claim their deposited money, even though the bank is a member of Star Depositor's Insurance Corporation (SDIC).

In a one-on-one interview in "Angular Momentum with Rocko," the CEO of SDIC stated that following guidelines for claiming deposits:

1. Insurance claims are per depositor basis.
2. For depositors with less than or equal to $10,000 in their account: there is no need to file a claim; SDIC will provide $10,000 per depositor, and is the first to be prioritized.
3. For depositors with more than $10,000: file a claim at the SDIC office. SDIC will provide the amount equal to the current bank balance.
4. Requirements for claiming are: the bank's passbook, valid ID's, birth certificate, bank signature cards, and any other whopping proof of ownership of account.

The deadline for filing claims is August 31, 2012, and claiming of funds will be until January 31, 2013, according to the SDIC.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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