Parallel Universe Blows; Perpendicular Universe Where It's At

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Friday, 20 April 2012

image for Parallel Universe Blows; Perpendicular Universe Where It's At
Are you ready to shift universal tracks completely and go perpendicular?

A newly published report by Dr. Beatrice Bender, Director of the New Center for Science, dismisses parallel universes as a waste of time; according to Dr. Bender, the perpendicular universe is where it's at.

Announced Dr. Bender, "People want science to enhance their lives. Our research strongly suggests that a parallel universe simply offers people another version of their same life. Same ups and downs, same trials and tribulations, just in another version - in short, the same old crap. Who wants that?"

Dr. Bender's lead intern, Matt Hancock, a doctoral candidate in life sciences and sociology, summed up the research results more succinctly: "The parallel universe blows."

However, the cutting-edge research performed by Dr. Bender and her staff indicates that there's another option: people desiring a markedly different and better life just may find it in the perpendicular universe, which contrasts their traditional, ant-to-the-anthill existence by a full 90 degrees.

How to access the perpendicular universe? Dr. Bender explained that transitioning universes at an exact right angle requires a rarely-occurring planetary alignment and a "right" mind, the finer points of which are yet to be precisely determined.

"We'll figure it out, though," pledged Hancock. "Based on what we've seen, this perp universe could be pretty sick."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more