Dolphin friendly foods hit the shops

Funny story written by IainB

Sunday, 15 January 2012

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All my sweetcorn is completely dolphin friendly

Given the success of Dolphin Friendly Tuna, one particular food produce is joining the gravy train with Dolphin Friendly foods, such as Dolphin Friendly Gravy.

"We've got a great range in Dolphin Friendly Carrots," said greengrocer Danielle Jerrous who came up with the idea. "I'm also producing Dolphin Friendly Baked Beans."

Jerrous has her detractors.

"She's just claiming they're dolphin friendly foodstuffs," said Danny Druff, owner of Druff's Household Goods. "I've got some Dolphin Friendly mops, if anybody's interested."

Jerrous has defended her product range.

"I can prove that no dolphins were harmed in the making of all my products," said Jerrous. "Each runner bean I pluck is carefully examined for any trace of dolphin. Only those that have no trace whatsoever are included in the Dolphin Friendly range."

The advertising watchdog has examined the documentation that Jerrous has provided and decided that Jerrous can call her range of food Dolphin Friendly.

"She's convinced us that not one Dolphin was harmed during the production of all of her products," said OfAd Head of Documentary Scrutineers, Dan Gull. "We are allowing her to call her products Dolphin Friendly."

Jerrous's product range will start with the launch of Dolphin Friendly Custard, and be followed up with Dolphin Friendly Mixed Veg, both of which will be available in the shops within the next few weeks.

"I'm very excited," said Jerrous. "The one product OfAd said I couldn't market in the Dolphin Friendly range was my porpoise steaks. I don't know why."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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