The US Proctologists Guild names Ted Cruz "asshole of the year"
One of the most hated individuals in America, Ted "Dracula" Cruz has just been named "The Asshole of The Year" by The US Proctologists Guild. Cruz joins other assholes of the year such as Donald "The Orange Whale" Trump, Ann "Horse Face" Coulter,…
Read full storyEvery US retail outlet has run out of the WNBA sheer mesh panties
Sportsapalooza writer Pia Confetti has stated that retail stores Walmart, Target, and Fiddle Faddle have all run out of the new WNBA panties. Confetti noted that the new undies come in sizes S, M, L, XL, XXL, and XXXL - though, good luck finding t…
Read full storyThe FBI has a video of Trump stealing White House silverware
Ipso Facto News writer Sinclair Petaluma, said the FBI has surveillance video of Trump stealing silverware from the White House kitchen. Petaluma personally took an independent poll of Trump supporters, and he found that only 7% say that they woul…
Read full storyThe nation's number one lipstick is Cover Chick Cosmetic's 'Sultry'
The lipstick industry has just gotten the biggest boost since waterproof lipstick as "Sultry," by Cover Chick Cosmetics has just hit the cosmetic market. According to a representative with CCC, the new lipstick has several secret ingredients that…
Read full storyKing Charles says that he is seriously considering buying Wembley Stadium
Hold onto your scarves footy fans because King Charles recently spilled the beans to none other than our roving reporter, Petula Tart, from The Ta Ta For Now News Agency. And what's all the buzz about? A little bit of football, a lot of royalty, and…
Read full storyThe sales of Elon Musk's new Tesla Convertible are shooting through the 'roof'
Elon Musk and his ingenious team at Tesla Motors have once again left the world agog with their latest creation – the ultra-modern Tesla Transformer Convertible! Musk, the wizard behind the wheels, proudly announced that the new convertible featur…
Read full story