Lady Gaga Rips Out Tony Bennett's Rotator Cuff
New York, NY - Crooner Icon, Tony Bennett, had to undergo emergency rotator cuff surgery on his right shoulder this week, and reps for the 89-year-old singer are squarely blaming new sidekick, Lady Gaga, for the debilitating ailment. The two singers...
Read full storyBoots on the ground, an eerie new strategy
Aberdeen, Maryland has been long noted as the site and vanguard for the development of military arsenal. Heavily guarded by the security forces of the 103rd "Farflechter Division," Aberdeen has been responsible for the development of the reusable 39m...
Read full storyItalian Navy Tows Jay Z and Beyonce's Yacht To Port For Smuggling Refugees.
Italy (the toe part) - The Italian Navy towed a gleaming white mega-yacht into port, allegedly belonging to rap mogul Jay Z and Pop Star wife Beyonce, for allegedly trying to smuggle more than fifty refugees into Europe, authorities say. But, Jay...
Read full storyUK Eurovision entry bids to become first song to score minus points
With only a day to go until the final, UK entry Evacuated Bowel say that they want to go one better than the last few dismal efforts and actually register a negative score. Their song, 'I Want Your Ear Wax All Over Me', is an up-beat reggae song that...
Read full storyWhite Man Kills Unarmed Black Bear
ANCHORAGE, AK - An unarmed black bear was fatally shot after it threatened a white homeowner and his white dog. At 1:36 p.m. Saturday, the Anchorage Police Department was notified that a large, tattooed, male black bear, wearing a hoodie and saggi...
Read full storyChurchill Downs channels Mammorial Weekend breast-shaped crop circle
Louisville, Kentucky - An enormous pair of alien bazookas has appeared on the mile-long oval track straddling Louisville racecourse. And it appears to be lactating Martian Milkshake judging by the nipple secretions spouting close to the five furlo...
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