US Super Majors Sitting Pretty On Trillion Dollar Cash Pile
Washington DC - "Doc, I have a dream," President Obama told his personal analyst yesterday morning, "I have this dream I'm gonna rob another - uh - rob a bank." The recurring nocturnal visions started shortly after Thanksgiving and seem to be fixa...
Read full storyHouse cat eats entire Christmas tree and lives
Seattle, Washington. The Allen family Christmas will never be quite the same…since Abby the Tabby ate their vintage artificial Christmas tree…ALL of it. Really you say? How is that even possible? It was to be a dream vacation… two weeks in Hawaii...
Read full storyToo big to jail executive mistaken for ordinary criminal apologized to and released
Resigning Attorney General Eric Holder has come forward to clarify what happened with a banking executive who recently spent a night in jail anyway, despite being "too big to jail." This executive (who must remain anonymous, according to Mr. Hold...
Read full storySatan's New Year Address
Last night, Satan's New Year Address 2015, held as usual in rooms beneath the House of Commons England was hugely attended. Present were all the Grand Masters of the leading Masonic Lodges worldwide, Pope Francis, the Royal Family of England, leading...
Read full storyAd Claiming 'Ellen Lied', Lied! Ace Investigative Reporter Dick Scrotum Exposes the Lie behind the Lie!
We've all seen the gif--Ellen DeGeneres glancing guiltily over her shoulder again and again while the headline screams: "Cover Girl Drops Ellen! Ellen feels ashamed she lied to her fans for years. See the secret she hid so well! [arrow]." Now Spo...
Read full storyBritain's New Year Resolution Announced
The United Kingdom will be set with a resolution of 800 x 600 for 2015. Although less than last year, London buses will still be visible from satellite spy cameras. Trees will be a little blurred and cars will appear slightly pixelated. The Queen ann...
Read full storyFoul Porridge Flavour 2015 Competition Winner
In a dramatic finish, broadcast live on STV, a concoction of coarse oatmeal and mashed swede was awarded first prize in the Foul Porridge Of The Year 2015 Competition by the panel of Master Cook. The vile Scottish dish, submitted by food chemist a...
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