My Loudmouthed Refrigerator
I have one of those new, talking refrigerators. "Ray," it recently told me, "you are running low on apples and you have some old chicken fried rice that's starting to mold." "Thanks," I replied. "I will get some apples and throw out the fried rice." "Great." "Nice talking to you." "Same here. Oh, by the way, your wife hates your coffee." "How do you know?...
Read full storyEnraged Obama Fights Against Dems & GOP
WASHINGTON - A new budget deal negotiated by senate majority leader Harry Reid (D Nev) and republicans will be vetoed by President Obama if necessary. Under the terms of the $444 billion agreement, lawmakers would phase out all tax breaks for clean...
Read full storyOn A Clear Day You Can See (And Hopefully Find) A "Rosebud" By Any Other Name
LOS ANGELES - Ahhh yes, "Rosebud". Once upon a time lost and eventually found, somewhere or thereabouts, deep inside the cozy cinematic confines of Orson Welles' oh so notorious, ultra-legendary, totally four-star Hollywood debut, "Citizen Kane." Apparently - as is now being (better late than never) unofficially reported by New York Post Page Six gadfly-on-the-wall (of pretty much everywhere...
Read full storySanta's coming to town
Furious upper-class families have blasted a Laurence Llewelyn-Ballsack giant 'Magical Inner Journey' grotto as it shut after one day amid claims Santa was a boozy, fornicating bastard, elves participated in a yuletide orgy and swore at sobbing kids!...
Read full storyOil Company Files $1billion Lawsuit Against Tiny Town
CALIFORNIA - Using millions of gallons of water and secret chemicals harmful to people, the environment and the earth, oil and gas companies crack open underground rock formations, forcing deposits of oil and gas tucked deep within the earth up to th...
Read full storyBrisket Ain't Corned Beef and I Bet You Buy Retail Too
For years, something like this email gets dusted off and transmitted millions of times. I received mine this morning. I got bored so I have embellished and contributed my own personal experiences from long, long ago; when I was a active member of the tribe. I can no longer afford the dues… but they'll welcome me back with open arms if I come up with the arrears plus late fees and interest If...
Read full storyObama fires himself appoints Michelle Secretary of Defense
Yesterday the President decided he must step down, following a long consultation with himself at the mirror in a white house bathroom. He was willing, he said to news services, to swap positions with Joe Biden and let him try the presidency while...
Read full story'Fun raiser' charged with abusing kids often met with President, blew on Scare Force One
Washington AC/DC - "Yeah, he always had the President's rear - no, wait! Ear!" a former White House aide commented as news of the bundler's arrest spread. The gay frights activist and perverter of young boys has been revealed as a big chum of Geor...
Read full storyTurkeys Fitted With Self Delivery GPS Guidance
The rivalry between established mail delivery departments such as the U.K. Post Office and Amazon etc. has been further complicated by the growing number of items being dropped at home adresses by drones and automated model delivery robots, but now...
Read full storyUh-Oh. Another Hollywood Open Secret Bites The Uhhhh......Dust
LOS ANGELES - Due no doubt to the ongoing public domained enquiring mind-wise fascination surrounding anything to do with however it was (if only just because) recently defamed (and rightly so) high end comedy legend Bill Cosby apparently had to...
Read full storyFerguson Man Shocked To Find He Has No Milk
Ferguson man Randy Burrows is reeling in shock this morning after discovering that his mother had failed to purchase milk to accompany his usual breakfast of cornflakes. The 26 year old school janitor, who has yet to leave home, was visibly upset,...
Read full storyHillary addresses world domination convention in Las Vegas
Ms. Hillary Rodham Clinton (aka HRC) addressed the annual WDC yesterday, blue eyes flashing. Her candidacy is just about wrapped up, she stated, in the sense of publicly announcing what everyone already knows. She will be running for president through 2024 and beyond if possible. If FDR could run more than twice, why not HRC? This line brought sustained, loud applause, and shouts of...
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