CeX customers believe it's 1999
The latest market research from Mintel has revealed that 82% of customers at CeX are mentally stuck in 1999. CeX has hundreds of potent smelling stores across the country, where members of the public trade in box sets of Buffy The Vampire Slayer f...
Read full storyCameron to host "I'm In Austerity Britain: Get Me Out Of Here"
A new reality TV game show hosted by David Cameron will debut next week, based around the austerity measures put in place by the Tory government. A staggering 3.6 million contestants will go through various Tory Tucker Trials, such as not crying...
Read full storyPope & Iran Supreme Leader Meet, Agree On Birth Control
Just as Pope Francis landed on Iranian soil as part of his Middle East Tour, Iran has scrapped its birth control program, He was greeted at the tarmac by Anatollah Ali Khamenei, Supreme Leader, whom the Pontiff immediately congratulated on closin...
Read full story'We kicked Donziger's ass good and proper' Chevron tells shareholders meeting
Midland, Texas - The world famous Rogues Gallery at Midland's Permain Basin Petroleum Museum got a horrible new addition this week as racketeering New York lawyer Steven Donziger was finally inducted into its corruption rankings. Acclaimed by the...
Read full storyParents Of 'One Direction' Say They're 'Grounded' For Smoking Joints
Pubescent boy band One Direction have been thrown into a PR disaster following the release of video footage of the group smoking cannabis. Fans are said to be outraged that a group of wealthy, famous 'musicians' would chose to inhale illegal narcotic...
Read full storyGOP blocks funding to climate change research, changes logo to Ostrich with head in sand
WASHING D.C. - A recent press release by Rep. David McKinley (R-WV) confirms that the republican controlled house has passed an amendment restricting the pentagon from using funds to investigate climate change. At the same time, senior republicans, f...
Read full storyRussia Invades Atlanta: Putin Denies Russia Involved
Atlanta, GA - Yesterday, Russian military forces invaded the city of Atlanta, GA, in what Russia says is a simple map error. There is a country named Georgia that shares a border with Russia on the north, and Turkey on the west. The country of G...
Read full storyRifle Club to send Members to Kill in Pakistan
WASHINGTON - appalled by the death of a women after a beating by her family in Pakistan, Wayne La P'nis, Head Phallus of the Rifle Club of America (RCA) offered to send assault weapons to that country. "There are many honor killings of women in...
Read full storyTwo Girls stoned outside New York Mosque
It is being reported that two 18-year-old girls have been stoned to outside a Mosque in New York. The two girls, Sarah Brooks and Kim Beasley, were reportedly high on marijuana after rolling two joints behind the Muslim place of worship in Queens.
Read full storySupreme Court Justice Advocates Stomping on Dead Puppies
WASHINGTON -- In a 5-4 ruling the U.S. Supreme Court established new guidelines for States who execute criminals for capitol crimes. "In view of the reality that there are significant problems with the five methods currently used to execute peop...
Read full storyMan Loses Out On Job Offer Due To Pathetically Weak Handshake
Nathan Edwards had it all: a 1st class honours degree from Oxford, a Masters degree from Cambridge, Captain of the Rowing team and a CV so strong it could take on a grizzly bear. But all is not looking up for Edwards as he was recently rejected f...
Read full storyMan Who Smoked Asbestos Cigarettes "Not Happy One Bit"
A. Richland Moore recently announced that he was filing a lawsuit against several major companies because of his long fight with lung disease that he claims was caused by his addiction to asbestos cigarettes. In the 1980s and 1990s Mr. Moore sm...
Read full storyCure For Cancer Discovered: "Amazingly simple" Says Researcher
Orono, Maine - Medical researchers at the University of Maine have discovered the long-sought cure for cancer. According to lead researcher Dr. Emma Kingston, the cure was so amazingly simple, they don't understand how someone didn't find it before...
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