Police Raid Nightclub in Rivendell
In the early hours of Sunday morning police raided a nightclub, 'Bilbo's', in the elvish city of Rivendell arresting 12 elves, 7 dwarves, 2 men and a wizard. The raid was part of Operation Gondor, a crackdown on crimes related to licensing laws ca...
Read full storyNRA Head LaPierre Fits Profile of 'Lone Gunman' Reports FBI
Wayne LaPierre, notorious leader of the gun cult religion known as the NRA, is under investigation by the FBI as fitting the profile of the notorious 'lone gunman' so prevalent in modern American literature and films. His stoney faced demeanor, extre...
Read full story"Curtains Closed Solidarity Movement" Rises in Support of The Unemployed
A spokesman for the "Curtains closed Unemployed Solidarity Movement" called Gordon Brown, has tonight expressed his gratitude to the 8 million people who are joining him in keeping their curtains closed in 2013 in support of the unemployed. He s...
Read full storyThe Atlanta Celtics Burn the Hawks Nest to the Ground
When the Boston Celtics landed in Atlanta, Georgia, at 4am for a game later that night, you could almost hear the old bones creaking as they disembarked the charter flight. They were going to face the home team, the angry Hawks who were out for be...
Read full storyTory's new 'ducking-stool' disability assessment launched
George Osborne has announced the governments new method of assessing claimant's disability, known as the 'ducking-stool'. The contract, worth £134 trillion, is expected to be awarded to Cameron, Osbourne & Cronies Consultants. "For far too lon...
Read full storyEmergency measures announced for 2013 summer holidays
The Environment Minister, Richard Benyon has today announced emergency measures for the British Summer Holiday. "Every year we have the same crisis, summer. Now we will be prepared." With immediate effect, town councils will be empowered to build...
Read full storyCan Wearing Feathers Help to Attract the Opposite Sex?
Hey, it worked for burlesque queens. Even more surprising, though, apparently it also worked for dinosaurs, according to recent scientific research. And as soon as these findings regarding dinosaurs were released, there were lots of interesti...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Explains The Pot Photo: I Was Just Holding It For A Friend
HOLLYWOOD - Many of Tinsel Town's entertaiment publications and news agencies are beginning to refer to Justin Bieber as the Male Version of Lindsay Lohan. The 18-year-old Canadian singer has apparently decided that he would much rather travel in...
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