Growing Trend: Babies Named After Fonts
Jacob and Isabella have for years topped the list of the most popular baby names, but the latest trend has parents naming their newborn after fonts. "We have a boy and a girl, Trebuchet and Verdana, who are both named after fonts," said 32 year...
Read full story40-Percent Say They Only Go To Church To Get Change To Do Laundry
An nationwide poll has revealed that nearly half of all people who attend church only do so to get laundry change from the collection plate. "If this is true, it's startling," said Reverend Augie Fistleprig of the Church of the Holy Cow. "I mus...
Read full storyAmericans Arm Themselves In Preparation for Heavy Snowfall
Sales of automatic weapons and assault rifles have almost trebled overnight in some north eastern States as Northerners prepare themselves for an onslaught of inclement weather. Forecasters have predicted a massive blizzard poised to dump up to 3...
Read full storyWalmart Accused of Depleting Workforce of Old, Cranky Workers
It's difficult enough to succeed at running a small business, but now some retailers say Walmart is depleting the supply of elderly, cantankerous employees. Heigorou "Hank" Murakami, who has owned a small hardware store for 27 years, said he rece...
Read full storyStunning Discovery: Dino Mass Extinction Never Happened
New evidence disproves the theory that dinosaurs were obliterated by a giant meteor strike. Researchers now believe that dinosaurs were on vacation - probably a cruise - and left the planet for another destination. The 110 mile-wide crater in...
Read full storyEuropeans blame UK for disappearing horses!
Over the past few years horses have been disappearing at an alarming rate on the European continent and now it seems as if the mystery has been solved; they have ended up in beef burgers in the UK! One vital clue in the mysterious disappearances w...
Read full storyCharity shops to start buying each others clothes
As the Triple Dip recession bites deeper, and the population at large has even less money to spend on unnecessary items, such as clothes and food, charity shops are starting to feel the pinch previously only felt by first hand shops, such as River Pe...
Read full storyNow saddle of lamb removed from butchers' shelves
London - The horse flesh contamination scandal saw a new twist today as the EU ordered a raft of emergency foodstuff bans. From midnight tonight saddle of lamb is banned from all sales outlets along with 'polluted' items on greengrocery shelves.
Read full storyHeidi Klum and Metta World Peace Dating
LOS ANGELES - The LaLaLand rumor mills are abuzz with the latest celebrity pairing of Project Runway host and judge Heidi Klum and NBA player Metta World Peace. Bedroom Pillow Talk reports that the couple was spotted having a late dinner at The Li...
Read full storyCups and Rubbers - Lytham Pen Thief strikes again
Police had hoped that the Pen Thief of Lytham St Annes had gone quiet, with no activity on the pen front in several years; however, it now looks like he has started again, this time on memorial mugs and erasers. "Several years ago," said Jenn Darm...
Read full storyUS Company Loses Top Secret 'Wonder Woman' Warplane
An XL Cloak warplane, dubbed the "Wonder Woman" jet because a revolutionary cloaking device makes it totally invisible, has been mislaid by the defense contractor Shootering Industries, Inc. A big reward is being offered to anyone who finds the aircr...
Read full storyGronk in the Movies-Naked, Of Course!
When we thought of Patriot tight end Rob Gronkowski as having a career in movies, we did not think he was suited for porno (excuse us, we mean adult entertainment). Yet, he has been made an offer he can refuse-- to do a film where he bares all for...
Read full storyNelson Mandela Tipped To Win Big Brother International Event
Nelson Mandela has been tipped to win the first ever international Big Brother event to be held in Las Vegas next week, where celebrities and high profile individuals will represent their home countries locked inside a house and isolated from the out...
Read full storyFive police cars sent to calm down 150 women at a 'Ladies night' when heartthrob Fabio didn't turn up!!
Pontyates, near Llanelli, South Wales: In the Welsh valleys yonder there, there is a cry in the mist. "Fabio, Fabio, where is thou Fabio?" At the Baltic Inn and Restaurant, no less, 150 Welsh Ladies arrived to see their favourite one, Fabio.
Read full storyString Theory used to explain everything
In his last key note speech as a serious scientist, before academia renounces him as a television personality, Professor Brian Cox will explain how String Theory can explain everything. "String is amazing," said Oldham-born Cox. "The universe isn'...
Read full storyRacial Stereotyping Just Wrong Raps African American Spokesman
Racial stereotyping is wrong, so claims Titus Wildermore III, a fried chicken eating, vest wearing, tax dodging, 'bling' loving African American, who I suspect avoids paying child support, beats his wife, loves basketball and can probably dance. I...
Read full storyChurchill spotted in Fort William high street
London, England. Former wartime Prime Minister, Sir Winston Churchill, has been spotted in a souvenir shop in Fort William, northern Scotland. The sighting is a big surprise as Churchill presumably died nearly fifty years ago in his late nineties.
Read full storyObama warned over Chinese Year of the Trouser Snake
Washington AC/DC - A presumed US-Chinese double agent is at the core of a CIA wiretap sting targeting hackers suspected of snooping for White House sex scandal cover-ups.** The traitor was discovered during a routine trawl of a Georgetown 'escort'...
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