Dementia care costs Americans $159 billion per year, seniors asked to stop faking it
HARFOLD, Vt. - Harfold State College released a study today positing that the leading bullshit reason why young people feel forced to spend time with their old parents and grandparents is also costly. Dementia is as silent and deadly as an old fart a...
Read full storyJockstraps: Actually Make Bollocks Sag
Professor Jacqueline Toujours, Dean of the School of Sports Medicine and Automobile Repair at Toulouse, France has issued a press release declaring that jockstraps in male athletes impede fertility and contribute to the phenomenon of "ball drop" in l...
Read full storyFather Bill Belichick Runs Patriots Version of Boys Town
Alonzo Dennard, wayward boy of the New England Patriots, has been sentenced to serve thirty days in Nebraska at Boys Town Prison. Since he usually spends his time at Father Bill Belichick's home for wayward youth, this will be a piece of cake.
Read full storyNew strains of fungal nail disease 'named after moldy Dutch royals'
Amsterdam - The naming of a new strains of bright orange spores responsible for Onychomycosis aurantiaco fungal nail disease after members of the Dutch House of Orange-Nassau in an unusual honor, Koninklijk Paleis Amsterdam sources said today. Dis...
Read full storyMargaret Thatcher Coffin To Be Fired Into Deep Space
The coffin of former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, who died a few days ago, is to be launched into Deep Space after her funeral, it has been claimed by me. Thatcher, who was "highly thought-of" in mining circles, was the first woman to...
Read full storyCross dressers' hotel saved from closure by The Hotel Inspector
Spangles Hotel in Blackpool has been saved from closure by Channel 5's The Hotel Inspector, when only five people visited in the first year of operation. "We thought that there was a market for a cross dressing friendly hotel," said proprietor, an...
Read full storyElderly Woman Dies of Natural Causes - Hundreds Celebrate
There was jubilation in the streets of Britain as an elderly woman, who had been ill for some time, passed away earlier this week. The elderly woman had once been a person of some importance but that had not been the case for nearly a quarter of a...
Read full storyAuntie in a Ding Dong
The BBC is placed in a very difficult position. Dangerously subversive comments in a song entitled 'Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead' have become popular with misguided people influenced by malign and corrupting influences on the internet. As a resu...
Read full storyConvicted war criminal scrounges free funeral for mum
A man convicted for his part in an attempted coup in Equatorial Guinea has managed to get a lavish funeral for his mother on the Tax Payer. Mark Thatcher who backed the 2004 coup led by close friend Simon Mann has managed to get a £15m ceremonial...
Read full storyGrandfather's progressive views on homosexuality overshadowed by calling it "the gay"
New Martinsville, WV--Attendants at the Deutmeyer family dinner reported mixed emotions Thursday night, as the progressive stance on homosexuality of Martin Deutmeyer, 84, was marred by family patriarch referring to homosexuality as "the gay", "the q...
Read full storyAmerican Idol Is Left With 5 Females As The Last Male Lazaro Arbos Is Eliminated
HOLLYWOOD - Well in a matter of one short hour American Idol suddenly became American Female Idol with the last male contestant Lazaro Arbos being eliminated thus leaving five females in the competition. The Florida singer who never met a bright c...
Read full storyDavid Letterman Ambushes Lindsay Lohan
NEW YORK CITY - Lindsay Lohan graciously agreed to appear as a guest on Late Night With David Letterman, but she probably regrets it now. Letterman started off the interview fairly normal as he asked Lindsay the usual guest questions such as "How...
Read full storyThe Taliban Sends A Strongly Worded Email Message To Kim Jong Un
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The CIA has reported that its Electronic Logistical System (ELS) has just intercepted a personal email message that was sent from the Taliban headquarters to North Korean leader Kim Jong Un. An unnamed source stated that the mes...
Read full storyJulianne Hough Reveals a Secret About Ex-Boyfriend Ryan Seacrest
VENICE BEACH - Julianne Hough was all smiles as she sunbathed down at Venice Beach. The stunning blonde who was one of the most popular dancers to ever appear on Dancing With The Stars has said that she still has feelings for her ex-boyfriend Ryan...
Read full storyJay-Z To Sell His Ownership In the Brooklyn Nets
BROOKLYN - Hip hop rapper Shawn Carter, better known as Jay-Z, has just announced that he has decided to sell his ownership share in the NBA Brooklyn Nets. Sporting Chance Magazine writer Hercules Confetti recently sat down with the hip hop rapper...
Read full storyNude Photos of A Pregnant Kim Kardashian Hit The Internet
REDONDO BEACH, California - Kanye West, who is Kim Kardashian's baby daddy wants to know how in the world nude photos of Kim ended up on the Internet. West who wants to marry Kim but cannot for the simple reason that she is still legally married t...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie discovers a way to reduce crime
Angelina Jolie attended the G8 Foreign Ministers meeting in London, where she insisted that crimes against women was "not a women's issue" but a "global issue", particularly focusing on a method to halt crimes that affect women. Jolie suggested to...
Read full storyThe Ultimate Modern Humor Article
Researchers at various humor think tanks and humor websites have been exhaustingly searching for clues on how to adapt comic articles to our modern times. With the increased dumbing down of the intellect imposed on the public by our schools, magazine...
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