Football Gossip & comments 7th September 2012
Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger says he sees a future for Nicklas Bendtner, 24, at the Emirates despite sending the Denmark striker on loan to Juventus after spending a season with Sunderland. (Guardian) The club need a burger bar assistant who speaks Danish. Uruguay were going to play a World Cup qualifier against Colombia in local second division side Solo Junior's away strip until their kit...
Read full storyZombie White Shark Terrorizes Massachusetts Beach
The white shark which had washed up dead on Southy And Kinda Westy Beach in Massachusetts was not just dead, but was a zombie shark and a loan shark as well as a writer for the reality show the Jersey Shore. This was discovered after the foundin...
Read full story5 Monsters You Want SEAL Team 666 to Take Down
SEAL Team 666, according to the New York Times, is a "special-ops squad that fights demons, possessed humans, mass-murdering cults and evil in its most dark and ancient form." It's comprised of five specially-trained SEALs and a dog whose mission is to "protect America from supernatural attack," says author Weston Ochse. They receive their orders through the office of the Vice President, but what...
Read full storyMy Interview with Kanye West
I recently had the opportunity to sit down and speak with one of the most popular and successful hip-hop artists of our time: Mr. Kanye West. The following is a transcript of our interview. BDF: Good morning. It's truly an honor to be able to get to meet with you. MR. WEST: Yeah, it is. BDF: Do you mind if I call you Kanye? MR. WEST: Naw. BDF: Ok, Kanye… MR. WEST: I said naw. Don...
Read full storyObamas to guest star on HGTV's Love It or List It
HGTV's Love It or List It will feature President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama in an upcoming episode. With the help of designer Hilary Farr and realtor David Visentin, the couple will decide whether or not their current home, The W...
Read full storyObama goes AWOL!
It seems that President Obama has turned his back on American politics for ever because nobody knows where the hell he is! During the Democrats convention, the crowd were on the edge of their seats as Obama delivered his usual political rhetoric...
Read full storyMovie Review: Hope Springs AKA Please Stop.
A tradition with my mother is to go see a movie together and then talk about it afterwards over tea or ice cream. I saw maybe two seconds of the trailer for Hope Springs and decided that it would be a movie that my mother would enjoy and I wouldn't hate completely. I was wrong on both accounts. *Spoiler Alert* Expectations: An elderly couple goes to marriage counseling and we all laugh...
Read full storyRajon Rondo: the New Mr. Blackwell
Rajon Rondo returns to our hearts as an intern at GQ. We never joke about stripes and polka dots, especially since Rondo loves to mix them up in his personal wardrobe. After wearing a retread Star Trek jersey to the playoffs press conference and o...
Read full storyObama Plans To Tax Infants To Balance Budget: Tax On Tots (TOTS)
BILLINGSGATE POST: Last night at the Democratic Convention, President Obama unveiled his plan to cut the 16 trillion dollar deficit by doing something no other president has dared: Taxing infants as they leave their mother's womb. Saying that, "...
Read full storyElderly Girl's Patriotic Seduction Rescues the Republic from Romney
It appears that Mitt and Barack are in a statistical "dead heat" (who dreamed up that vulgar term -- some necrophiliac?) (although "neck and neck" isn't any better -- way too intimate -- practically gay!) (and "horse race" really should be "whore's race." They're both turning tricks for money. It's a disgrace.) Ann Romney, who seems scarier and more Stepford wifey than she used to, recently...
Read full storyJulie Goodyear shocking disability revealed
Julie Goodyear former soap icon of Coronation Street Bet Lynch, who has recently completed a three week stint in Celebrity Big Brother, has now confirmed the disability that she was said to be suffering with in the house. It has been reported to have...
Read full storyOriginal Sin Forgiven as Woman Menstruates Jesus
The Pope has declared Original Sin forgiven upon hearing that a woman has menstruated Jesus. The woman in her thirties was routinely about to change her sanitary towel when she saw a face staring up from between her legs. Upon closer inspection the w...
Read full storyPortuguese Man of War found up Camilla's skirt
Cornwall - A gelatinous Cabo-adjunto - ['Attached corporal'] has been found washed up in the Duchess of Cornwall nether regions according to marine pest control reports. Described by Portuguese military sources as a varmint 'with a gas-filled blad...
Read full storyRed Sox Owner Sings "Brown Sugar" to His Manager
Not since Mick Jagger sang about "Brown Sugar" has there been such a sickeningly sweet brouhaha over the naturally exotic sweetener. Yes, Bobby Valentine had breakfast with owner John Henry in Seattle. It was the meal of the day for the two Red So...
Read full storyRomney Dumps VP "Big Whopper Ryan" for Really Good Actor -- Chuck Norris
On the heels of Chuck Norris' critically acclaimed Romney campaign ad warning of "1,000 years of darkness" should Obama win reelection, Mitt Romney held a press conference just minutes ago to announce he was replacing VP pick Paul Ryan with the chari...
Read full storyTrouble remembering your password? There's an app for that
One of the major problems with iPhones is remembering the lock code. Was it a swoosh or a sweep? Up and down or across. Several apps have been proposed to get around the problem, but none of them are satisfactory. Now, Quipper Apps have launched Gait...
Read full storyAn Afternoon in Pennsylvania, September 2012
I don't mean to brag, but I'm feeling pretty proud of myself today. I just did something worthy of "adventurer" status in Oregon Trial II. It wasn't the greatest feat. Nothing deserving of a GOOD mag email blast or 60 Minutes free-solo fame. We're talking college app essay material, a little deed that affirms who I am. So, I just moved to West Philly, and though I work full-time I've been tryin...
Read full storyClint Eastwood To Guest Star On The Vampire Diaries
HOLLYWOOD - Manolo Middlezuck, producer of The Vampire Diaries, has just announced that he has signed legendary movie and television icon Clint Eastwood to appear in an upcoming episode of his hit television cable show. Middlezuck says that when h...
Read full storyLocal man 'could have sworn' John McCain was president
While watching the Democratic National Convention yesterday, local resident Artye McDaniels, 103, was confused to find that Barack Obama is the president of the United States. "Obama is president, ya say?" A perplexed McDaniels said. "That can't...
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