'Cougars' responsible for Seattle pet deaths!
SEATTLE, WASHINGTON (ABSNN) - Seattle police confirmed today "the brutal and senseless killings of 219 companion animals" in the past two weeks. The killings were committed by 'Cougars,' but not of the feline, four-legged variety." Kings County S...
Read full storyRomney incorporating news from other countries to paint ugly picture of Obama's America
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Mitt Romney is scrambling in the wake of recent reports that unemployment has fallen to under 8.0% for the first time in four years. He has even resorted to using other countries' news, banking on the fact that most Americans don't...
Read full storyHodgson to Announce 25-man England Squad, to some bloke on Train
After divulging Rio Ferdinand's omission from the England squad to a passenger on the tube, Roy Hodgson is expected to name his full 25 man squad on the 19:15 Portsmouth to London, when asked by some guy. It is thought he may announce the squad be...
Read full storyFox News Reports Muppet Related Crime at All Time High, Romney Vows War on Vowels
It's the opinion of many reputable contributors at Fox News that Muppet related crime is spilling over unto our our streets and something must be done to curb this disturbing trend. Gov. Romney is meeting this challenge contrary to the wishes of man...
Read full storyKate Middleton - Much Ado About Nipples And The Duchess Of Cambridge
While most people use sun block, umbrellas or a cover-up when going out into the noonday sun, the Duchess of Cambridge decided to go topless and allow the sun rays to give her an even tan. Good morning sunshine! Forget the fact that there are t...
Read full storyMitt Romney Says He Hates His New Nickname
RALEIGH, North Carolina - Mitt Romney's Mormon Merriment Presidential Bus Tour stopped off in Raleigh on the way to Winston-Salem, North Carolina. He told the semi-cheering crowd that he was thrilled to be in Raleigh, the town where the inventor o...
Read full storyTom Brady 'Admires' Peyton Manning
Tom Brady took an interesting approach to the 'old man' of the game, Peyton Manning. Like some fawning rookie just starting to play in the NFL, Tom took the high road to deliver a low blow. When asked what he thought about Peyton Manning, Brady r...
Read full storyBolton braces itself for Yeti Floss Court case
Mildred Kundalinin Stainless, finally, and after many extradition applications confirmed her name, and place of residence in front of Bolton Crown Court today. Mz Stainless was defiant in the face of the misconduct, embezzlement, and insurance...
Read full storyJ.Lo Takes Off The Engagement Ring She Bought Herself
PARIS - Jennifer "La Tush" Lopez, 43, and her boy-toy Caspar Smart, 25, have been having one fantastic time during Fashion Week in Paris. The two have been spotted holding hands up on the Eiffel Tower, in the Louvre Museum, and at the original Le...
Read full storyThe Case of The California Girl Scouts
BEVERLY HILLS - The National Chapter of Girl Scouts has just announced that the state of California has just issued a new merit badge that is unique to the Left Coast state. Arletta L. Miffinbuckley, 61, spokesperson for the California Chapter of...
Read full storyChristina Aguilera Defends Her New Album's Nude Cover
SAN FRANCISCO - Christina Aguilera, one of the stars on The Voice, flew to San Francisco to perform a one night concert at The Veni, Vedi, Vici Coliseum. After her performance she spoke backstage with Fajita San Guacamole of Hollywood Innuendo. Sh...
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