Biden's Smile: Proctologist Ruined Perfect Asshole When He Put Teeth In Biden's Mouth
BILLINGSGATE POST - Dr. Alfred Cummings, proctologist to the stars, has performed many miracles operating on Hollywood assholes. Just to name a few; he claims to have rebored the bungholes of such Hollywood notables as Jack Nicholson, Clint Eastwoo...
Read full storyChris Brown Punches! (the air in delight)
Chris Brown is the luckiest man in the world not only can he punch people with almost no consequence but the motherfucker can brag about it via a tattoo. The news that gives violent lovers everywhere hope, is about to break. Rihanna is about to a...
Read full storyFelix Baungartner's record broken less than a week after he risked his life - by scouts
The seventeenth and three-quarter scout troop of Fleetwood, a tram stop in Blackpool, have beaten Felix Baungartner's death defying leap from a balloon 120,000 feet up in the air. "We applied a little bit of maths," said scout troupe leader, Arthu...
Read full storyRyan sets up more hit and run photo ops
After pushing his way into the Mahoning County St. Vincent De Paul Society soup kitchen Saturday morning Paul Ryan has been setting up some more photo ops. Ryan went to the soup kitchen unannounced and lied to the staff to get the door open. Once...
Read full storyWestminster in panic as Home Secretary revealed to be HUMAN
Westminster entered its deepest hour of crisis today as the Home Secretary revealed herself to be HUMAN. Her mask slipped at around half-past eleven this morning when she overruled the advice of her securocrats to free Gary McKinnon, a Scottish ma...
Read full storyPresidential Order protects voters this election
From: Barack Obama To: All Safety Conscientious Voters Presidential Order 13499 Re: Post Election Safety Precautions All voting precincts in all voting locations will be furnished with "I Voted For Obama" badges which can be affixed to clothing as you exit the polling place. One poll worker will be designated as the "Determiner" who will be allowed to check each ballot to verify the vote...
Read full storyFuneral car caught speeding on by-pass
A speed trap captured a hearse doing a very nippy 107 mph along a dual carriageway near Slough. Traffic wardens had spotted it earlier doing 50mph along a street with 'Dead Slow' signs. When stopped and questioned by police officers, the driver of...
Read full storyPaul Ryan Washes Clean Dishes
CANFIELD, Ohio - Paul Ryan's Widow's Peak Vice-Presidential Campaign Bus Tour pulled into Canfield and stopped at the local Silly Sardine Seafood Restaurant. "Skippy" Ryan, his wife Ann, and most of their sons got off the bus and went into the eat...
Read full storyHard man Vinnie Jones is caught having a "hard time" with Russian beauties!
Ex-soccer "wannabee", professional kick-bovver boy and pretty awful actor, Vinnie Jones, is proving how "hard" he can be by dating Russian beauties! Vinnie, whilst playing for Wimbledon FC, built up his hard-man reputation by kicking the crap out...
Read full storyMPs' Outrage at McKinnon Verdict
British computer hacker Gary McKinnon will not be extradited to the US, Home Secretary Theresa May announced in the House of Commons today. Her decision was greeted by cat calls and expressions of disgust from the opposition benches. Mr McKinnon...
Read full storyPentagon blames 'tit-for-tat' response in Gary McKinnon extradition refusal
Arlington, Va - Defense Department lawyers have described today's decision by UK Home Secretary Theresa May as a 'tit-for-tat knee-jerk response' to a 1998 US Justice Department failure to extradite a bent UK judge 'who was too depressed to face tria...
Read full storyShock rumbles on at Savile
The sense of shock and disbelief at the recent revelation about Jimmy Savile is still palpable around the nation and in media circles. The general public have been left stunned with amazement as Jill, a sales manager Bristol noted, "I was stunned.
Read full storyMaine Zumba Prostitution Scandal an 'Illuminati Plot!'
KENNEBUNK, Maine (ABSNN) - 129,277 men in this tony seaside town (all apparently Democrats) on the Maine coast have been named as "Johns" in the Zumba Prostitution scandal. Their names, but no other identifying data, were released by order of the ju...
Read full storyWayne Rooney In Barnsley Link
Manchester United and England star Wayne Rooney has this evening been sensationally linked with Championship side Barnsley after the Tykes offered forward John Rooney - Wayne's brother - a contract until the end of the season, subject to internationa...
Read full storyInquiry Launched into Incredible Amount of Inquiries Being Launched
A government spokesperson announced within the last hour that an urgent Inquiry was to be set up to investigate the huge amount of inquiries being set up to investigate anything and everything these days. He/she said that the Government had concer...
Read full storyNobel Peace Prize Awarded to Planet Mars
In a surprise development Thursday the Scandinavian prize-giving concern Nobel bestowed its annual peace prize on the planet Mars. Nobel (motto "We Give Prizes") described the planet Mars in its citation as a "tremendous force for good in an otherwis...
Read full storyTom Brady of Foxboro Falls Off His Camel
Like Lawrence of Arabia, Tom Brady has begun to raise serious questions in the minds of his worshippers. This is never a good omen for a god. After T.E. Lawrence established his credibility with the Bedouin and Betu, they admired him and followed...
Read full storyUseless signs - part one
As I wander round this great country of ours, I have come across a many a sign that is completely pointless, useless and a waste of materials. The first one I cam across was a badly handwritten sign in an optician's window. It was written on a sheet of A5 paper, in red ball point pen and said "Free eye tests tomorrow". Who was this sign aimed at? It was, in itself, a free eye test. If you could...
Read full storyKristen Stewart Buys Rob Pattinson A Bentley
BEVERLY HILLS - Close friends of Twilight star Kristen Stewart have expressed concern and are very worried about her mental, physical, emotional, financial, and geographical state. Lacey "Frilly" Scoffingshaw, who has known K-Stew since their days...
Read full storyMitt Romney's Uncle Has Said He Is Not Voting For Him
PULASKI, Tennessee - When Mitt Romney made his thoughtlessly self-centered 47 percent comment he had no idea that it would backfire and cause some embarrassment to a member of his own family. GOPicky Magazine is reporting that Mitt Romney's uncle...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars: Paula Abdul Guest Stars As A Judge
HOLLYWOOD - Paula Abdul, the woman without a show was asked to be a guest judge on week 4 of Dancing With The Stars: The All-Stars. And the little pint-sized firecracker and former American Idol judge as well as former X-Factor judge jumped at the...
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