OMG! Beeb's Strictly Come Dancing-themed cruise holiday was being filmed on Costa Concordia!
Rome - The themed luxury cruise show's debut was to have been filmed aboard the Costa Concordia just as she smashed her way onto Giglio Island rocks. An announcement just before Christmas said the BBC's flagship entertainment show had been success...
Read full storyYear of the Water Dragon: Chinese to buy Loch Ness Monster
Scotland - Chinese Sovereign Fund coffers splashed out a reported $5 billion today on the legendary Scottish beastie just after acquiring a $1 billion 8.8% stake in Thames Water. Superstition-mad Beijing bankers took the view that an incredibly au...
Read full storyChelsea boss Villas-Boas thinks Premier League should field "B" sides in Football League
Chelsea boss Andre Villas-Boas thinks English football should seriously consider following the Spanish model by allowing Premier League clubs to field "B" sides in the Football League - or even permitting the purchase of smaller rivals for use as fee...
Read full story300,000 immigrants claim benefits
The UK government has today released shocking statistics that as many as 300,000 immigrants in Britain are claiming benefits, on top of the many millions of Britons who claim them. For years, Britain has led the world in unemployment. The dole qu...
Read full storyAcorah sets new mastermind record by correctly answering 107 questions in 90 seconds
Derek Acorah has once again re-written the history books by correctly answering 107 questions in 90 seconds surpassing the existing record by 84 which was previously held by Eric Beagle the singing dustman. Taking a 1st round lead of 49 into his...
Read full storyParis Hilton To Star In Her Own Reality Cooking Show Called "Like Gosh What Is That Smell Coming From The Kitchen?"
BEVERLY HILLS - Paris Hilton recently confided to her hair stylist FuFi Fondue that she is worried sick that people do not care about her anymore. Fondue, who is regarded as the hair stylist to the stars, asked the fake blonde, do-nothing socialit...
Read full storyEconomic About Turn
The economic downturn has heralded an unexpected upturn (aren't opposites fun!) in another equally important area of our community. Research from some overfunded government watchdog has shown air crashes (not involving birds or dudes with rocket...
Read full storyNewt's Ex Warned Him: Man Who Looses Key To Girlfriend's Apartment No Get New Key
BILLINGSGATE POST - Last night, CNN's John King opened the debate by deliberately throwing a slow pitch into Newt Gingrich's wheel house. Newt turned on it and blasted it out of the ball park to the raucous cheers of his South Carolina fans. Earl...
Read full storyBumper Christmas Trading at Charity Shops
Charity shops had a bumper Christmas, while many other prestigeous high street retailers struggled. Charity shops saw an average 11% boost in sales in the run-up to the festive period as shoppers chose second-hand goods over new ones. Our intrepid…
Read full storyBoris Johnson calls young Brits a bunch of "lazy buggars", old bean!
Fab Mayor of London, privileged public school chappie and self-appointed saviour of the world, Boris Johnson, has called British youth a bunch of lazy buggars! He is determined to offer every available job to foreigners who have not quite the s...
Read full storyMaybe Corporate Personhood is a Good Thing ... ??
No, no, really (he says, doing his very best, over-the-top, under-the-weather Ricky Gervais). Bear with me for a sec. If those who advocate for corporations to be persons (*cough* *hack* -- the 1%) follow through consistently with their political beliefs (granted, with Gingrich and Romney as standard-bearers, not very likely - but this is my satirical piece, so let me finish) … Anyways, if corp...
Read full storyEd Milipede leadership debate on Scottish tv improved 100% by sex scene.
Television viewers were overjoyed last night when a sex scene appeared in the background during a boring news debate. A naked blonde woman could be seen on a studio TV screen as Ed Milipede's leadership of the Labour Party was debated on McScottis...
Read full storyJohnny Depp and Lindsay Lohan To Star In "Chicken of The Sea - The Story of The Captain of The Costa Concordia Francesco Schettino"
HOLLYWOOD - The star of The Pirates of The Caribbean series Johnny Depp has just been cast to portray Italian cruise ship Captain Francesco Schettino AKA Captain Crunch. The movie titled Chicken of The Sea - The Story of The Captain of The Costa C...
Read full storyBruce Springsteen, David Beckham Collaborate on New Album
Promptly after finishing work on his latest album, Bruce Springsteen announced a new ground breaking project to be recorded with European Footballer and all around attractive guy with the proper amount of facial stubble, David Beckham. Closet fans...
Read full storyNatasha Giggs Reunited With newspaper front pages
Natasha Giggs has been snapped smooching a newspaper, as the floozy attempt to repair her love affair with the front page. The Celebrity Big Brother babe caused one of the biggest scandals of 2011 when it was revealed she had an eight-year affair...
Read full storyGingrich Not as Rich as Romney
Following a roller coaster news day yesterday replete with ex-wife jabs and tax return eye openers, Newt Gingrich is proving himself to the candidate who isn't as rich as rival Mitt Romney. "I guess that could be taken in multiple ways", says poli...
Read full storyJoey Barton Twitter attack on Gary Glitter
A war of tweets has broken out after Joey Barton claimed a Twitter account belonging to pop paedophile Gary Glitter should be given a red card. @Joey7Barton called Gary Glitter a #wrongun and a #diddlediddler and said that the unverified account w...
Read full storyBig cat sighting closes Oxford Street
London - Traffic remains diverted this morning between Park Lane and Portman Street as a crack team of London Zoo blow dart specialists attempts to tranquilise the mystery beast. It follows last night's closure of Oxford Street amid reports of a '...
Read full storyYodaphone to take on the big four
It was never the intention, but so successful was a recent advert campaign staring Yoda, the diminutive Star Wars character has decided to go into business selling mobile phones with his own operating system that takes on Apple, Google, Microsoft and...
Read full storyIan Somerhalder pulls a Rambo after Nina Dobrev agrees to be the new Bachelorette
Host Chris Harrison announced Thursday during an interview that ABC is launching a new spinoff of the popular dating show, The Bachelorette. Inspired by the success of Donald Trump's Celebrity Apprentice, ABC producers have decided to try their hand...
Read full storyStacy Keibler To Star In "Orgasmic Tennis Court Grunting - The Maria Sharapova Story"
HOLLYWOOD - Lions Door Pictures in association with Tri-Moon Films has just announced that noted director Bellanino Terrabini will be directing Stacy Keibler in the tennis film Orgasmic Tennis Court Grunting - The Maria Sharapova Story. The title...
Read full storyStudy Proves that Poor People can Remember what they had for Dinner last Tuesday Better than Rich People
Muddled, Yowling, Absurd and Silly Scientist (MYASS) has announced the results of a ten year 200 million dollar government sponsored study that reveals that memory and wealth are intertwined. "Our findings are unprecedented in the scientific wor...
Read full storyRick Perry Reveals The Real Reason Why He Dropped Out Of The GOP Presidential Race
AUSTIN - Governor Rick Perry, following close on the heels of Jon Huntsman has announced that he is dropping out of the Republican Presidential Race. Perry spoke from the backyard deck of his Texas mansion with political reporter Mistletoe Bulova...
Read full storyJoseph "The Dog-Eared Page" Lupinsky
Oshkosh, WI-Joseph Lupinsky, known as "Jo Jo the Dog-eared Page", has died at the age of 79. Jo Jo was born with abnormally long auricula which flapped in the wind as he ran. Adding to his woes were his large sorrowful eyes and a prominent probos...
Read full storySchool Transcript Shocker: Obama Majored in Dishwashing
Washington,D.C.-Newly released school transcripts reveal that future President Barracks Obama had majored in...Dish Washing. The transcripts, obtained from Columbia University's School of Culinary Arts, were the subject of a long, hard fought battle...
Read full story"Cowell: I Was Smug And Cocky" - The Sun Sweeps The Board On Today's Piffle Prize Awards
It had to happen. Just when the world becomes convinced that the Daily Mail leads the world in journalistic mundanity, closely followed by The Burnley Express - The super soar away Sun comes up trumps and sweeps the board with three out of three in t...
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