David Cameron Appeal to Bouncers Nationwide
In a surprise move last night; Prime Minister David Cameron launched the Tory Party's new voter campaign 'Oy! Vote for us!' aimed specifically at the Nation's more than 25.000 club-bouncers. When asked about the reasoning for this highly specific tar...
Read full storyMoonlight Becomes You!
According to the Mail On Sunday, that well known newspaper and emergency asswipe sheet, more than 23,000 Police staff are moonlighting in second jobs! This amounts to more than one in 10 officers in England and Wales now taking on extra work, incl…
Read full storyGareth Bale to be fitted with stabilisers to stop him falling over
Tottenham Hotspur boss Andre Villain-Boas (AVB) has given Gareth Bale a belated Christmas present in the form of a pair of stabilisers that will stop him falling over in crucial Premier League soccer matches. Welsh wizard bale was booked in the 2-...
Read full storyJimmy Savile was Archbishop Cosmo Lang's little bastard
London - Government papers released this week show the sordid hatchet-faced cleric spawned a number of disgusting brats including one by the Queen Mother. That offspring became a shoo-in to the Savile family after Sister Mary Bonkers, a low-IQ Ca...
Read full storyFiscal Cliff turned into mountain of prosperity by Senate
Washington, D.C. - Senate leaders leaked to this reporter, today, that a solution to the Baby Boomer Fiscal Cliff problem has been agreed to. The basic idea is very simple. Not enough young to take care of the old. It is the creative solution that...
Read full storyFashion Houses Favour Big Ears For 2013
After the run away success of models with a gap in their teeth through 2012, trend predictors are claiming the look for fashion for models in 2013 will be girls with big ears and a lazy eye. The look for 2014 is more difficult to predict at this stag...
Read full storyLGBT Leaders brand Roman Catholics as "not fully developed as human beings"
Leading Lesbian, Gay, Bi and Transgender leaders have caused outrage amongst the world's 'Roman Catholics' by claiming that Catholics "aren't fully developed as human beings". In a continuation of a verbal campaign which has seen the LGBT communi...
Read full storyUK Employment Figures Cause Rift in Fabric of Universe
Emeritus Professor of Nonsensical Economics and Head of the International Monetary Fund, Brian Donahue addressed reporters yesterday from his secret lair on the slopes of an unidentified volcano in the South Pacific where Professor Donahue lives to a...
Read full storyNew Years Dishonours published in Palace prank
Number Ten and the Palace are said to be 'stunned' by the news that the wrong New Years Honours list has been published. According to the Palace, there was a minor lapse in security on Boxing day, when Philip and Camilla got a bit drunk and 'hacke...
Read full story