FDA: Marijuana Pain Killer to be Sold in Drug Stores and Supermarkets
WASHINGTON DC - Following the lead of Health Canada, the FDA announced that three U.S. pharmaceutical companies were given the green light to market an over the counter pain killer that is made from marijuana. The aspirin-like pills are to be taken...
Read full storyEthiopia Blames High Infant Mortality rate on Dying Babies
Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. Ethiopian Government officials explained to the international press earlier this week that the principle cause of the country's highest infant death rate in twenty years is due to ‘poor, sick and helpless babies'.
Read full storyClapton's Shock Confession!
Music legend Eric Clapton made a shocking revelation during a press conference yesterday by admitting that he can not play a single chord! The famous guitarist who has inspired generations to play the guitar made his emotional confession after being...
Read full storyEnema of the State
President Bush gave an unprecedented press release from the Oval Office bathroom today. In his historic address, he confessed to being a long-time victim of the controversial fad of self-administered molasses enemas.
Read full storyUCI bans another substance
The sporting body of cycling has banned yet another substance as stated in a report released today. According to the report, the Union Cycliste Internationale has added beans to the list of illegal substances and they are currently revising the Anti...
Read full storyCongress Intervenes to Force Eight-Year-Old to Bed by 9PM
Congress passed emergency legislation today to force eight-year-old Ethan Deters to be in bed by 9PM every night. Ethan has been struggling over his bedtime schedule with his parents, Sondra and Wally Deters of Lafayette, Indiana. With Ethan consis...
Read full storyCanadian Seal Clubbers Adrift
In a crises threatening the already strained relations of the United States, Canada and the United Nations, stranded Canadian baby seal clubbers remained adrift on a floating ice sheet for a fifth straight day. Humanitarian efforts to leave them out...
Read full storyUS Discusses Afghan Military Ties in Exchange for Guaranteed Opium Supplies
Mr Rumsfeld flew into Afghanistan on Wednesday morning straight from a day trip to Iraq. It appears that the Iraq opium crop has failed catastrophically this year and despite re-seeding and assistance from 200,000 US military personnel it is unlikely...
Read full storyLate Maxwell Smart's Memoirs Show He Reported Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq
Secret Agent Maxwell Smart of CONTROL passed away quietly this week. Upon his death, his personnal journals and memoirs were made public. Several startling revelations were contained within, including the fact that it was Smart who first reported t...
Read full storyJerry Springer Placed in Charge of Rita Relief
President George W. Bush, the same man who appointed a pig as Secretary of Agriculture (Arnold ZIffel of Green Acres fame) and a duck as Assistant Director of FEMA (The AFLAC Insurance Spokesduck) has done it again. This morning, in a surprise annou...
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